Owning It!

I am here, owning my confession, and telling you all.  

This morning as I packed my gym bag (for the first time in a couple of weeks!) I realised just how far off the program I have come.

Now, in the past, I would have given up weeks ago, and I honestly would have been binging on chocolate and all the yummy good (bad!!! lol) stuff by now - and especially if I had said "I have not been following the program", but the truth is overall, I honestly believe I have done well.  I haven't actually given up, it's just that life has gotten in the way over the last few weeks and a lot of the old habits have crept in; not cooking dinner, eating out a lot (although we do still try to go for healthier options!), not planning ahead, not doing the grocery shop regularly, not going to the gym/exercising (read: excuses!).

In saying all of this though, in the last couple of weeks I have:

• Quit my job
• Found a new job
• Finishing up the work at my current job
• Enrolled into uni full time for 2012
• Completely moved out of my flat
• Scrubbed my flat (this and the point above I am sure burned a lot of calories!!)
• Turned the flat into a rental properly
• Sold furniture (how hard is it to stick to an agreed time people?!)

So, it isn't like I have been sitting back, twiddling my thumbs.  In fact, on Friday I purposely cleared my calendar to have some actual me time and I got pampered!  2 whole hours at my friends new beauty business - and let me tell you, that facial was the best one I have ever had!  Even my partner commented on how relaxed I was when I got home!

In a way, I have admit that I don't feel worthy of going to Mish's end of round party and workout.  I haven't been able to stick to the program for the 12 weeks... I'm honestly not even sure if I can claim to have been on program for 6 weeks.  I stopped watching the videos weeks ago, although I think this was mostly due to forgetting about them and then having my mind focused on the above issues.

I actually love this program, it is so challenging but so rewarding.  Not even in just the weight loss sense, but the sense of accomplishment I feel after having completed a workout that Mish has given us, and then again about having been able to complete a full weeks worth of workouts! I can actually see how the program gives results, both physically and mentally.  I know that I have bitched and moaned in the past (and my boyfriend would wholeheartedly agree with me!!) but I have had fun!

I'm not sure how to get back on track from here... I suppose going back to the gym today will help, and starting to try and plan our dinners and my other meals so that we can come out in front.  I might be way off the mark here, but I did find that having it all planned out (and actually sticking to the plan) was much less stressful (and carried less guilt) when we were eating Mish's meals.

I will be trying my hardest to get back on plan now for the last 2 weeks of the program, as well as for the time between the end of this round and the start of the next round - because I will be back for Round 1, 2012.  Hopefully I will be able to sort my crap out and do a better job of it all next round, and I also hope I will have a little more time and be a little less stressed with going to uni full time and working part time.

Anyway, here I am owning it!!  I am not going away, but I have been struggling.

Over 5kg Gone!

I weighed in this morning at 91.3kg!!!  Talk about surprised!!  This means I have lost 5.2kg in total!!!

I think that while my eating was a bit off all week, all of the packing, moving, scrubbing and cleaning helped on the exercise front.  And I still need to unpack it all - so there is some more exercise!!

Speaking of exercise, you may have noticed from my lack of posts and super long to do list, that I haven't actually done any for over a week, other than the aforementioned packing, moving, scrubbing and cleaning and believe me, at the end of those days I was exhausted!!

I have been noticing lately that my body shape has been changing, so it's great that the scales are starting to reflect that too!  I have also had the last couple of days off, just to let my body not be so tense, but I will be getting back into it as of tonight when I play netball.

Anyway, that's my quick little update!  I am still here and looking forward to getting back into the planning and sticking with Mish's plan!

All or Nothing?

I have taken this week off from exercise in the hopes to actually have time to sort out my flat and get it ready to rent out.  This means moving, packing, selling furniture and then once all of that is done (at this stage it pretty much is!) I then need to clean it all out.

Anyone who knows me, knows that I am not a 'clean freak'.  Cleaning was never a priority for me, my house may not have been tidy all the time, but I was happy with that as it was generally only me who was there.  The thing that people don't know about me, is that when I am stressed out or really unhappy, I clean... and I mean clean!!  My bestie Tory could tell you all about it from when we lived together.  It has been my way of dealing with things really... I think if you did ask her though, she would tell you about the time that I went out and scrubbed the balcony... lol what can I say, it was dirty and I needed a little bit of 'cleaning-therapy'.

The thing is, that I know I am stressed out when I am looking forward to cleaning.  When I want to get down on my hands and knees and scrub the slate flooring in the flat. When I want to wash all the walls down, and when I am looking forward to washing windows. I think that this has to do with wanting to be in control or something, as I generally can't tollerate anyone helping me to do the cleaning - I need to do it on my own.  My boyfriend has never really seen me do this, and I have to say, that if it scared Tory, I can't imagine what he is going to think...

Anyway, all of these thoughts brings me back to the 12WBT.  I know that as much as I try not to (and I have tried to focus on not doing this during the last 9 weeks) I am very much an all or nothing person.  Meaning that I have to be doing it all - exercise, eating, mindset or I feel like doing nothing... or lately, I feel like I am not doing it right.  I have mentioned before that I like processes.  I like having a step by step plan, and I like sticking to that plan.  I like checklists and I like ticking off tasks that I have completed.  I enjoy completing a task well and I love the sense of accomplishment that comes with it...

This week, I don't have a sense of accomplishment - I haven't followed any of Mish's plans.  I haven't eaten right (it hasn't been bad, but it hasn't been great), I haven't exercised and my mindset is out the window.  Last night I wanted to binge... I didn't even care what on.  It could have been fish and chips (or dim sims!), chocolate, ice cream, baked goods.  I didn't care!  Well, I didn't want to care, but deep down I knew that this kind of self sabotage wouldn't help me... so I didn't.  This made me realise that while I haven't stuck to the plans, something must have stuck, because I still  haven't had a major blow out or binge.  I have wanted to.  I have wanted to just not care and to just eat, but something has always pulled me back where I have decided against it at the last minute.

Yesterday was also weigh in day and combine the 600g gain with PMS and stress and you get one messed up girl who is crying in her boyfriend's arms by the end of the night.  With so many things on my plate, I am finding it really hard to think about the 12WBT.  I keep thinking that it's ok because once things are all sorted, that I will be straight back into it... but then there is this other little voice telling me that I should be able to work this program into my life as this is a forever deal, and I should just be able to make it work...

I can't even begin to explain how excited I am about going into part time work.  The thought that some day soon I will be able to get through everything (work, uni, exercise, etc).  I mentioned this on a uni forum the other day when discussing the prospect of taking on a subject over the summer, and one of the first replies I had back was a "well i have this, this and this in my life so if I can do it then you should too/I have more in my day - what are you complaining about?!" kind of posts.  Why do people feel the need to do that!?  I think I compare myself to others enough without someone else adding to it.

Anyway... I guess the point to all of this is that I am still here, but not so focussed... Will be trying to get back into it all as of next week - hopefully I will have the flat completely sorted by the end of the weekend :)

Crazy, Crazy Week!

Where has all of my time gone??  I seem to be packing as much as I possibly can into my days lately, and I am already feeling the strain!  I need to get a few things off my to-do list to be able to get things under control, at this point I feel like I have 50 things trying to get my attention, and I have to say there is only so much that I can do.

In saying all of that, I have actually made it to the gym 6 days last week, and sadly, I know I won't do it this week.  To help remove some of the strain in my life at the moment, I have decided to focus on getting my flat ready to rent.  This means moving the last of my stuff out (at this stage I am not even bothering with cleaning out as I go unless it is something really obvious) and cleaning.  Then I need to organise insurances, fire alarm testing and signing off the paperwork for the property manager.  I would really like to get all of this done this week.  Aside from just trying to get something off my to do list, it is also a bit of a necessity as I quit my job!!! 

I am going from full time work/part time study to part time work/full time study.  I can't even begin to explain how excited I am about this!!  The last year or more I have been feeling so unhappy with my life, or how my time was spent to be more exact.  I felt like I was losing myself and just couldn't seem to settle.  I felt as though I was constantly on the go and couldn't fit everything in.  Lucky for me I have a very supportive boyfriend who wants to see me succeed and to be happy.

Now, a little more on my actual 12WBT journey!

Let's see... this last week I have had my weekly weigh in, my Week 8 fitness test and my Week 8 milestone!

So, my weigh in was as follows

Week 8
Wednesday 2 November

		Change	Total Loss
Weight:	91.6kg	-1.1kg	-4.9kg
Arms: (ea)	28.5cm	-1cm	-1cm
Bust:	108.5cm	-2cm	-5.5cm
Waist:	118cm	-1cm	-5.5cm
Hips:	118.5cm	-1.5cm	-6cm
R Thigh:	54cm	-2cm	-4.5cm
L Thigh:	54cm	-2cm	-4.5cm
Totals:		-10.5cm	28cm

I didn't actually realise until now that I have only lost 1.1kg in 4 weeks.  To say I am disappointed in myself is an understatement.  It seems quite dismal.  I will confess and tell you all that I haven't been sticking to the program 100%.  We aren't very organised when it comes to grocery shopping or planning meals or getting it all sorted.  We were in the beginning, but I think since we stopped following Mish's plan exactly and since the fridge died.  All excuses, I know, but right now my mind isn't into the whole planning side of this... I just need to get a few things out of the way first.

I also did my Week 8 Fitness Test and can I just say that I am gobsmacked at how much I have improved!!!  I actually did the tests a bit all over the place by doing them on different days, but I don't think it matters much.

My 1km time trial was simply amazing!  We did have to change the location as the oval we were using no longer had any lines marked, but we managed to find an even better one!  The best thing is - I did the 1km in 4 minutes 34 seconds!!!  Thats 2 mins 17secs off my time 4 weeks ago and 2 minutes 42 seconds faster since I started the 12WBT.  I even ran almost the entire time!  I didn't run for about 1/4 of a lap (so about 100m).

I also smashed my wall sit!!  Last time I lasted 26 seconds, this time I made it to  1 minute 5 seconds!!!

I managed to do 42 push ups compared to 4 weeks ago where I did 31 pushups.

My sit & reach was also smashed where I was able to reach 5cm more. 

And finally, I have made it to a Level 1  in the sit up test!!!!!  It was so excited!! I promise - there was cheering and squealing in the house that night!!

Now, my Week 8 Milestone was to go paddle boating!! and OMG!!  It is hard!!  I have had bad knees in the past and had a lower back injury as well, so maybe I didn't think this one through that well... We only did half an hour, and I am so glad that we only did that!! It wasn't long before my knees were so sore!!  I think it was

more joint sore than muscle sore - which isn't good.  However, in saying that, it was a great day out on the lake!  Even managed to take a couple of photos! Sorry mine is a little dark and you can't really see my face lol  I was worried about getting sunburned! lol The photo of my partner turned out much better!