Owning It!

I am here, owning my confession, and telling you all.  

This morning as I packed my gym bag (for the first time in a couple of weeks!) I realised just how far off the program I have come.

Now, in the past, I would have given up weeks ago, and I honestly would have been binging on chocolate and all the yummy good (bad!!! lol) stuff by now - and especially if I had said "I have not been following the program", but the truth is overall, I honestly believe I have done well.  I haven't actually given up, it's just that life has gotten in the way over the last few weeks and a lot of the old habits have crept in; not cooking dinner, eating out a lot (although we do still try to go for healthier options!), not planning ahead, not doing the grocery shop regularly, not going to the gym/exercising (read: excuses!).

In saying all of this though, in the last couple of weeks I have:

• Quit my job
• Found a new job
• Finishing up the work at my current job
• Enrolled into uni full time for 2012
• Completely moved out of my flat
• Scrubbed my flat (this and the point above I am sure burned a lot of calories!!)
• Turned the flat into a rental properly
• Sold furniture (how hard is it to stick to an agreed time people?!)

So, it isn't like I have been sitting back, twiddling my thumbs.  In fact, on Friday I purposely cleared my calendar to have some actual me time and I got pampered!  2 whole hours at my friends new beauty business - and let me tell you, that facial was the best one I have ever had!  Even my partner commented on how relaxed I was when I got home!

In a way, I have admit that I don't feel worthy of going to Mish's end of round party and workout.  I haven't been able to stick to the program for the 12 weeks... I'm honestly not even sure if I can claim to have been on program for 6 weeks.  I stopped watching the videos weeks ago, although I think this was mostly due to forgetting about them and then having my mind focused on the above issues.

I actually love this program, it is so challenging but so rewarding.  Not even in just the weight loss sense, but the sense of accomplishment I feel after having completed a workout that Mish has given us, and then again about having been able to complete a full weeks worth of workouts! I can actually see how the program gives results, both physically and mentally.  I know that I have bitched and moaned in the past (and my boyfriend would wholeheartedly agree with me!!) but I have had fun!

I'm not sure how to get back on track from here... I suppose going back to the gym today will help, and starting to try and plan our dinners and my other meals so that we can come out in front.  I might be way off the mark here, but I did find that having it all planned out (and actually sticking to the plan) was much less stressful (and carried less guilt) when we were eating Mish's meals.

I will be trying my hardest to get back on plan now for the last 2 weeks of the program, as well as for the time between the end of this round and the start of the next round - because I will be back for Round 1, 2012.  Hopefully I will be able to sort my crap out and do a better job of it all next round, and I also hope I will have a little more time and be a little less stressed with going to uni full time and working part time.

Anyway, here I am owning it!!  I am not going away, but I have been struggling.