Ok.... I'm back!

It feels like it has been so long since I have written in here, and I will be honest, I have been hiding.  I became a little lost... well, completely lost...

First off, I want to say a massive thank you to my wonderful boyfriend.  He has done everything in his power to help me and to give me as much support as I could possibly want or need.  I know that I honestly wouldnt be here, in Week 12, without him at my side. Thank you B! Love you! xxx

The other night I had a bit of a melt down about my results for this round.  I know that I haven't done as well as I could have, and I perhaps didn't push myself as much as I should have.  I am in no way against the program, and I honestly believe and know that it works.  In this instance, I am disapointed in myself, and for me, that is probably the worst thing.  As I mentioned in a previous post, I don't like failing, breaking promises and in general being let down - either by myself or by someone else.

B pointed out the other night that I have had a lot of  big life changes going on over the last 6 months or more, and that I have done well to stick with the program as much as I have.... while I do think that this is fair enough, I am worried that maybe it is an excuse, and that I should have been able to take it all on and still have been able to exercise, because, let's face it, things come up all the time in life. I mean, what is going to be different compared with all of the things that will come up in the next few months?  I will still have to deal with them, and I will still have to try and make it work... Can I really do this?

As I mentioned, I had a heartfellt talk with B, and I think that the only way I would actually fail at this, is if I stopped - and I don't want to stop, because I am not happy with my body shape, energy levels or health prospects at the moment.

As Mish says "What are your alternatives?!" If I quit now, nothing will change - I won't lose weight, or tone up if anything, I would probably get bigger - which is not really an option.

So, while technically Round 3 has finished, I don't want this to be the end.  I want to continue on and keep going.   Things have changed considerably lately.  I have started my new job, which comes with more time at this stage (although I am wanting to take on a few more shifts before uni starts) and right now I am just trying to get into some kind of routine at the moment... I have to admit that I am still feeling a little stressed out about all the changes - which seems strange as it should be much easier for me now...  Once I catch up on everything that I have neglected lately, I hope that I can settle in for a little study time for uni so that I can understand a few things before classes start.

I have started thinking about what I want to achieve before the next round of the 12WBT (Preseason starts 16 January) as well as some longer term goals.  This is what I have so far:

• I want to be able to run for a whole kilometer
• I want to be able to do 60 push ups
• I want to get into the overweight category (about 3kg-ish to go)
• I want to consistently exercise
• I want to get fit enough to move up in the categories so that I can do Lean & Strong

One thing I realised the other night was that when I first started to lose weight in 2007, was that I didn't believe that I could lose weight, so I just focused solely on the exercise, and just made sure that I did half an hour (on my exercise bike, at home, watching the Biggest Loser) 6 nights a week, and tried to not eat processed foods. In retrospect, it seems so simple, but I am sure at the time, it wasn't.  Without realising it I was actually in the JFDI mentality - and I just need to get back there again.  I think that the key is to not get overwhelmed, just take it day-by-day and only looking ahead a week at a time.

I honestly have no idea how I can do this!  I don't know how to keep things simple and to focus on exercise rather than weight loss - any tips??

Right now, my thoughts are running towards exercising in the morning - it is always there, it's always before the day actually starts, and I already have B's previous offer of getting up with me (and making me coffee) to help me by making sure I get up and ready for the gym (I'm not a morning person... lol)  I am also thinking that I might stick with doing the gym machine workout, rather than the classes.  It is something that I can always do, and something that won't depend on the gym's class timetable.  Plus, in this workout set, I can also do the learn to run program.

Speaking of running - I used an app on my phone to track the length of the oval I have been running around is actually only 275m so, I wasn't running for long enough.  On the up side, now I can make sure that my time trial is accurate :)

Also, just quickly, the end of round workout and finale party is on this weekend.  I have to admit I am nervous about keeping up, but in a way, I am excited too.  I still havent decided which dress to wear yet, but it should be a good weekend away.  I am so glad that I will have B with me - as I said before he has supported me the whole way through - I think the least I can do is get him drunk with me as a reward lol!

Anyway, so that's where I am at the moment.  If anyone is still reading this blog, I would welcome your comments and opinions :)