Task 5: Say It Out Loud

I have really struggled with this preseason task.  As a natural planner, it seems a little strange that I struggled with this task.  I mean "say it out loud" seems so easy really.  You would think that all I would need to do is tell people that I am doing the 12WBT - but it's not.  There is actually a very big scary word involved... commitment...

Up until this point in time I wouldn't have ever thought that I would have an issue with making a commitment to anything.  I think that I love freely and am a fairly open person. however, making a promise to myself it believe it or not, one of the hardest things I think I have had to do.  Believe it or not, the thoughts I have had over the last few days have actually left me feeling panicky and a little tight in the chest.

I realised tonight that I think this is because there are a couple of things that i really hate.  One is lying, and the other is breaking a promise.  How do I ensure that the commitment I make to myself is honest, and a promise that I can keep?

I know that my partner supports me in anything that I do, however, this has nothing to do with other people supporting me.  I am quite independent and I know that if I want something bad enough, I will just get it done.  This program is all about me.  It's all about making sure that I hold myself to my promises and I am honest with myself when I make them.

The only problem is, I'm not entirely sure that I can do this... I know that I can do it, but will I??  Will I stick it out?  Will I make the changes?  What if I fall off the wagon?  What if I screw up?  What if I just turn into a lazy sack of crap and come up with excuses not to exercise? What if I don't cook the foods I should?  What if I continue to eat crap because I am too lazy to cook?

I know that this is all down to me, and I am scared that maybe I will fail myself... and I don't like failing...

Why is it so hard to do this for me and to believe in myself enough to know that I can?

So, after much thought, this is what I commit to myself and to Michelle:

• I will exercise 6 times a week - if I don't get to the gym, then I will exercise at home using the resources I have here
• I will eat the diet that Michelle sets out - I know that I will be healthier and have more energy because of it and it will also bring a much healthier lifestyle to the household
• I will lose 15 kilos in the 12 weeks of the challenge because I will stick to the first 2 points.
• If I stuff up, I commit that I will just keep going and keep trying my best

So, there it is.  This post is as honest as I could possibly be about how I have been feeling over the last few days.  It's great to finally get it out there.