History

I just wrote this in the 12WBT Forums and thought I would also post it up here...

Well, I didn't think that I would post my story, but here I am.

Let's see, in 2007 at 22 I was told by my doctor that I was pre-diabetic, had high sugar levels, high cholesterol, was overweight and had PCOS. I still remember him telling me this and how I went to my sisters that afternoon and crying. My bestie who had recently past away at the same age as me had diabetes, so it all just hit too close to home.

I changed my diet by cutting out the processed foods and because I was too embarrassed to go outside to exercise because of my weight, I used an exercise bike 6 nights a week for half an hour while watching the biggest loser.

After 6 months I had lost 12 kilos, and needed a change, so I joined healthy inspirations. I didn't have much luck on the scales, but toned my body up to see some amazing measurement losses.

After our local one closed down, I switched from gym to gym, calorie counting along the way and over 4 years losing 23kg.

Then, the weight started creeping back on and I didn't put as much effort in... Then, earlier this year I got with my current partner and managed to put on 10kg in about 3 months! I was partying too much, eating out and not exercising... After all my work over the last 4, almost 5 years, I have still not reached goal weight... In fact, I was only 4kg shy of being back at my start weight...

I had let myself down...

Since mish started doing the 12wbt program I had debated about signing up. After chatting with a friend before last round, I decided to sign up.

My round didn't go according to plan... I was sick 3 times (as in bedridden sick), I moved house, I was in a stressful job, I moved in with my boyfriend (first time I had ever moved in with someone!!!!) and gained an instant family (we have his daughter full time), and finally I also changed jobs! Needless to say, I struggled!

In saying this though, I tried hard to stick to the program as much as I could, and it wasnt until week 11 that I really came unstuck. I didn't have the loss I was expecting, and I have since reverted to my old ways.

What upsets me the most is that I feel like I have let myself down, I feel that I could have done so much more and I am annoyed that I "allowed" myself to "fail".

However, I have learned a lot and I am back! I decided to go to the finale even though I was incredibly sick, and I have to tell you that the atmosphere is electric!! So much so that I actually cried when the workout started because I was so devastated that I was missing out!

I am currently in the process of setting myself some new goals, a couple of which are doing more with the Capital Punishment team here in Canberra, and trying not to stress so much about getting it "right" but just doing it (something I got from the interview with Run Mummy Run last round!), so I want to focus on exercising 6 days a week. Because my new job is so active, I want to become more of a morning person and start exercising in the morning before my day starts.

I have seen how well this program works, and I want it to work for me too - and no one can do it for me, but me!

I have blogged about my previous round, and it has all the highs and lows. I am going to continue writing it this round as I found that it made me more accountable, I would love to have more people reading it and commenting so that I am even MORE accountable lol.

Crippled by Fear

So a while ago I posted about some goals that I wanted to achieve, and these have been on my mind ever since.  I have been seriously considering how I can make these work.

Today I considered calling up the local pool to see about their next technique class, but I have to admit, I started feeling nervous again about actually taking the class!! 

A little history on me and swimming - when I was little, I did a lot of swimming lessons and I remember having a lot of fun!  However, somewhere along the way I became scared of swimming... terrified in fact!  I remember crying in high school to my parents about having to do swimming for PE, and crying in PE class about having to swim and being scared to put my head under the water.  The fear of putting my head under the water is actually something that I have bought with me into my adult life.  I have actually had to condition myself into being able to put my face under the shower without panicking!!

I am quickly realising that this really is a fear, and it is something that needs to be fixed.  It would even be something that would be a great milestone for the next round (ie being able to swim 5 laps - I can probably only do 1 lap.... maybe.... lol)

Inspiring, Emotional and Uplifting Weekend!

WOW!! WOW!! WOW!!

Talk about an amazing weekend!  This weekend was the end of round workout and party for Round 3 of the 12 Week Body Transformation with Michelle Bridges.

Now, I was actually quite sick over the weekend (and days prior).  I have never slept and rested as much as I have in the last few days as I have in years.  I do find it ironic that I started the round off sick, and ended it sick.  But, I think that just captures the kind of round I have had and wraps it all up rather nicely.

We walked from our hotel to the Workout (it was about an hours walk!! - after getting a little lost! lol).  When we got there, I have to admit I was amazed by how many people were there.  It was so impressive!!! 

So many different state/area teams with their colours.  The Capital Punishment team were there in our purple and white shirts.  (I did find out while we were there that the Sydney Crew have the same shirts! lol!!  It made it a little difficult to find other people from Canberra haha!).  Because I was so sick, I had made the decision to not to the workout, and I will tell you all now - I was disapointed since the moment I had made the decision.  However, this disapoinment was nothing compared to the feelings of devastation I felt once I seen Mish on stage and everyone in the crowd joining in on the workout.   I will admit, I actually just started to cry.  I don't know if I was just emotional, but I was just so incredibly sad not to be physically able to participate. (I was also able to hide the tears from B because I was sniffly anyway lol) The atmosphere was electric!!  Everyone was so pumped to be there!!  It was amazing to watch everyone do the workout (and even more amazing watching people do push ups on their toes!!!) Carrie and our friend Kerrie both did the workout, and they said it was hard, but amazing!  Carrie and I also grabbed a quick photo with a friend of ours (Shazzam) who also did the program this round (I'm on the right!)

Once the workout was done, Carrie, Kerry, B and I went and got a cold drink, had a wander around the markets at the Entertainment Quarter and then B and I made our way back to our hotel - where I put myself to bed for the next couple of hours before it was time to get ready for the party - after all that walking and excitement - I needed the rest!

The party was in the Hall of Industries - and WOW! Was it big!  It was so beautiful as well.  There were some great big screens up, so that everyone could see the speeches and awards.  Speaking of awards - there are some amazingly inspiring people out there!!  People have done so well on the program and some of those bodies

- OMG! You would never have believed that there could have been a bigger version of themselves if you didn't see the before photos!  There were free drinks to be had, and while I only had a couple, I did become quite drunk (although I was actually on cold and flu meds and white wine goes straight to my head!) and even got up and danced

(something that only happens when I am way more than tipsy!)  The taxi ride home was eventful in that Carrie, Kerry and I got the giggles - Poor B had to deal with 3 drunk, giggling women!!  I think he handled it all quite well!

Overall, this weekend was amazing!  Even though I couldn't fully participate, the energy and enthusiasm of the workout and party was enough to give me the courage to believe in myself again.  This round has been hard, but I know more than I did before I started this round and my crazy life is starting to settle down again so I should be able to make a real go of Round 1, 2012.  In saying this, I want to get into some kind of a routine before then, and once I am well enough again, I would like to get this started!  The only thing I 'regret' about this weekend (other than not being able to do the workout lol) was that I didn't really connect with some of my twitter/facebook 12wbt friends, and be able to catch up on the day/night - definitely something to remedy next round!

I have been thinking about some goals I want to set, so I will come back in and write about those soon!!  One of these though, would have to be to learn to be more proud of my achievements.  I struggle with recognising that losing 5kg this round is an accomplishment... I can see a difference in the before and after photos - and does mean something!  Plus, where would I be if I didn't lose those 5kg?? Something to think about :D

Ok.... I'm back!

It feels like it has been so long since I have written in here, and I will be honest, I have been hiding.  I became a little lost... well, completely lost...

First off, I want to say a massive thank you to my wonderful boyfriend.  He has done everything in his power to help me and to give me as much support as I could possibly want or need.  I know that I honestly wouldnt be here, in Week 12, without him at my side. Thank you B! Love you! xxx

The other night I had a bit of a melt down about my results for this round.  I know that I haven't done as well as I could have, and I perhaps didn't push myself as much as I should have.  I am in no way against the program, and I honestly believe and know that it works.  In this instance, I am disapointed in myself, and for me, that is probably the worst thing.  As I mentioned in a previous post, I don't like failing, breaking promises and in general being let down - either by myself or by someone else.

B pointed out the other night that I have had a lot of  big life changes going on over the last 6 months or more, and that I have done well to stick with the program as much as I have.... while I do think that this is fair enough, I am worried that maybe it is an excuse, and that I should have been able to take it all on and still have been able to exercise, because, let's face it, things come up all the time in life. I mean, what is going to be different compared with all of the things that will come up in the next few months?  I will still have to deal with them, and I will still have to try and make it work... Can I really do this?

As I mentioned, I had a heartfellt talk with B, and I think that the only way I would actually fail at this, is if I stopped - and I don't want to stop, because I am not happy with my body shape, energy levels or health prospects at the moment.

As Mish says "What are your alternatives?!" If I quit now, nothing will change - I won't lose weight, or tone up if anything, I would probably get bigger - which is not really an option.

So, while technically Round 3 has finished, I don't want this to be the end.  I want to continue on and keep going.   Things have changed considerably lately.  I have started my new job, which comes with more time at this stage (although I am wanting to take on a few more shifts before uni starts) and right now I am just trying to get into some kind of routine at the moment... I have to admit that I am still feeling a little stressed out about all the changes - which seems strange as it should be much easier for me now...  Once I catch up on everything that I have neglected lately, I hope that I can settle in for a little study time for uni so that I can understand a few things before classes start.

I have started thinking about what I want to achieve before the next round of the 12WBT (Preseason starts 16 January) as well as some longer term goals.  This is what I have so far:

• I want to be able to run for a whole kilometer
• I want to be able to do 60 push ups
• I want to get into the overweight category (about 3kg-ish to go)
• I want to consistently exercise
• I want to get fit enough to move up in the categories so that I can do Lean & Strong

One thing I realised the other night was that when I first started to lose weight in 2007, was that I didn't believe that I could lose weight, so I just focused solely on the exercise, and just made sure that I did half an hour (on my exercise bike, at home, watching the Biggest Loser) 6 nights a week, and tried to not eat processed foods. In retrospect, it seems so simple, but I am sure at the time, it wasn't.  Without realising it I was actually in the JFDI mentality - and I just need to get back there again.  I think that the key is to not get overwhelmed, just take it day-by-day and only looking ahead a week at a time.

I honestly have no idea how I can do this!  I don't know how to keep things simple and to focus on exercise rather than weight loss - any tips??

Right now, my thoughts are running towards exercising in the morning - it is always there, it's always before the day actually starts, and I already have B's previous offer of getting up with me (and making me coffee) to help me by making sure I get up and ready for the gym (I'm not a morning person... lol)  I am also thinking that I might stick with doing the gym machine workout, rather than the classes.  It is something that I can always do, and something that won't depend on the gym's class timetable.  Plus, in this workout set, I can also do the learn to run program.

Speaking of running - I used an app on my phone to track the length of the oval I have been running around is actually only 275m so, I wasn't running for long enough.  On the up side, now I can make sure that my time trial is accurate :)

Also, just quickly, the end of round workout and finale party is on this weekend.  I have to admit I am nervous about keeping up, but in a way, I am excited too.  I still havent decided which dress to wear yet, but it should be a good weekend away.  I am so glad that I will have B with me - as I said before he has supported me the whole way through - I think the least I can do is get him drunk with me as a reward lol!

Anyway, so that's where I am at the moment.  If anyone is still reading this blog, I would welcome your comments and opinions :)