Promise Kept!

I finished uni today, got in the car and had an "oh crap!" moment when I realised that I had promised everyone that I was gonna go to the gym today...

Well, I went!

As I said, I was only gonna take it easy, which I did, but I am so glad that I kept to that as while I was fine in the beginning, by the time I got to the last 10 minutes or so I could feel the strain in my knee.

What I was hoping to do was:

• 10 minutes on the treadmill (walking)
• 10 minutes on the cross trainer (walking)
• 10 minutes on the bike (low-medium speed)

What I actually did was:

• 10 minutes on the treadmill (walking)
• 5 minutes on the cross trainer (walking)
• 5 minutes on the bike (low-medium speed)

I know it seems quite small, but I think it was a good start and it gives me something to improve on.

As proof, here is my calorie burn from my HRM

Struggling to get out of the door

I started to write this post last night, but stopped... seems kind of fitting considering the topic! lol

My mindset is so much better than it has been in the recent past, I am feeling a lot happier with myself and I feel more in control and that I can get back onto the weightloss wagon again.  In fact, in a way I have been looking forward to it!

So, what's happened... nothing... It's as though something is still holding me back, I am not sure what it is, but it's like I just can't get started.

I originially named this post to talk about my gym efforts.  I have been going to go to the gym so many times in recent weeks, and have even gotten dressed to go... but just haven't been able to push myself out of the door.

I think I might be scared...

I think I am scared of failing... of not making it, of losing all of the weight again and being back at this point again.

I know what lies ahead, I know all of the hard work that I will need to put in... and in truth, I don't know if I can do it...  But, I also know that without all of that hard work, I won't get what I want.

So, rather than fighting myself on this one, I am going to just get my butt to the gym.  Today!  I have uni classes on today, but I can drive to the gym when they are done and jump on the treadmill or cross trainer. I won't be pushing myself hard for a few reasons; I don't think my body will be used to it, I need to start back at the beginning and build my fitness up, and I need to build up the strength in my knee gradually.

So, my promise to you all is that tonight I will be back with an update on my first trip back to the gym!

Back to the Brace

A few nights ago I managed to crash into the bedside table... and hurt my injured knee (btw - what's with that?!  Can I not have banged the other knee, you know, evened things up a bit?!). I thought, oh it's ok, I'll just rest it, ice and heat it and go from there...

However, while it has been getting better again, is has been a huge step backwards and yesterday I even had to wear my knee brace to work again for extra support as I could feel a bit of pulling along the back of the knee and it just felt a little weak.

I currently have a big purple bruise across my knee cap, so it's a little tender.

A little more rest I think and then I might pop back to the gym and do some walking on the cross trainer (as recommended by the physio).

Learning to Run

It has been on my mind for a few months now, but I think that I want to be able to run... maybe not 10km, but it would be nice to be able to run a full 5km in a fun run or something... In fact, it was actually one of my major milestones for this rounds 12WBT - which just didn't happen...

A 12WBT friend of mine, Dhitri, recently posted about learning to run... and it has gotten me thinking once again about trying... and it has also brought up a lot of excuses that I have been using lately (more about this later though), however there is one legitimate one...

"What about my knee??"

As you know, I had a minor tear in my cartilage over a month ago, and while I can walk around with no problems now, I still need to wear my brace at work as I am on my feet all the time. I am only working a couple of days a week, but I can really feel it at the end of the day.  Now, my physio has told me to use an exercise bike (which I haven't - and that's where the excuses come in too - and I know I really should be using it!) to help build strength.  The trouble is, the last time I went to the gym to do these exercises, my knee was reall aching afterwards... and that worried me.

I have heard wonderful things about running.  That it just clears your mind, it's a good way to de-stress, that the endorphins you get are amazing, that it can really boost your weightloss efforts, that it can shape and tone your body in the most amazing way...

Yet - I am almost too scared to try it! What is that?! Why be scared to try something new? Is it because I am scared I will fail? What I won't complete it?

A few other things holding me back are:

• location - where do I run? I don't want to do laps of an oval cos I think I would get bored... and my place is located on a BIG hill... and probably not the safest area really... am I silly in not wanting to learn to run on a hill?
• having to go somewhere else to run... I know - even I am telling myself to suck it up!!
• wanting to learn to run on a treadmill in a gym... for some reason, I feel this is better than running where everyone can see me huffing along... Am I being silly?
• feeling like I can't do it... I'm not good with learning - I want to be great straight away... now I know that's silly! haha!!

I have had the C25K app on my phone for a while now... I would love to start using it... I love that I could be running 5km in 9 weeks - it almost seems impossible! such a short amount of time!!!

I wonder if I could tackle the hills around home then... haha!

Cracked it... and now it's really time to take action...

By cracked it, I don't mean that I have gone bonkers... I am actually refering to the fact that I now weigh over 100kg... yup... I weighed in yesterday at 100.5kg...

I have come to the realisation that Easter and I do not mix well together... especially in a (now) 3 person household where one is a chocoholic (that would be ME!), one non-chocoholic (B) and one who would be a chocoholic if we let her (Miss 3).  Basically, we got 3 peoples worth of chocolate and pretty much only me eating it... which is really not a good option...

So, last night I had a really good talk to myself (hmmm.... am I bonkers?!) and I have come to realise that I am honestly feeling more at peace with getting back onto the wagon and getting it going again.  I have also decided to come up with a list of healthy snacks (my downfall) and I will be continuing to use the Menu Planner app on my iPad as it has honestly made life easier for us.

This morning I measured myself for the first time in months, and I have to admit, I was more than a little astounded by the numbers that came up!

Week 1
Wednesday 18 April 2012

		Change	Total Loss
Weight:	100.5kg	n/a	n/a
Arm:	30.5cm	n/a	n/a
Bust:	116cm	n/a	n/a
Waist:	125cm	n/a	n/a
Hips:	126cm	n/a	n/a
Thigh:	73cm	n/a	n/a

I have come to the decision that it is time that I start putting myself out there 100%. Owning up to my stuff ups and celebrating the wins.  I am only human afterall!

So, I am very much a goal oriented person, and as B and I have been thinking about taking a holiday (like a cruise) for a while now (I mentioned it a few posts ago that it may be a bit of a reward) I have decided to aim towards that.  I have also come up with a few other goals/rewards to help me along.  Now, I have put away all of the remaining easter eggs, although I do know where they are, I am hoping to use them as more of a reward.  Now, I know that you shouldn't reward yourself with food, but I am hoping that having them there will help to teach me a bit of self control.

I have put together the following list of goals.  I have pinched this idea and format from Mandy over at Fearless, Fabulous, Female... and Forty!! (hope that's ok Mandy!) I may add to this list, as I go along, but at this stage, this is it:

	Heaviest Ever	100.5kg
	Goal Weight	74kg
WEIGHT	MINI GOAL DETAILS	STATUS
99.9	Back to the 90's
95.5	5kg and 5% lost
	Fit into my 'fat' pants comfortably
90.5	10kg and 10% lost
89.9	in the 80's
	Complete the C25K
89.6	Get to Overweight BMI of 29.9
	Size 14 clothes
85.5	15kg lost
	Run a 5km Fun Run
80.5	20 kg lost
79.9	Livin' in the 70's
	Size 12 clothes
75.5	25kg lost
74.6	Get to Healthy BMI of 24.9
** 74 **	GOAL
70.5	30kg lost
69.9	in the 60's

 

 

See - gym bag is packed and is in the car!

I am really missing exercising too... and I am so afraid of injuring my knee further, I have been avoiding it.  My physio has given me a few exercises to do (which I really should do! lol) and overally is really happy with my progress.  I think I find it a bit hard to go to the gym and sit on the bike or the cross trainer for only about 10 mins (as much as I can take at the moment.) - mostly I think it's frustrating, but I need to start somewhere I know. In fact, today I felt so motivated that I actually packed my gym bag and put it in the car!!  Now I just need to get my sorry arse to the gym! I have been meaning to pack it and have it ready in the car... have to admit I am a little proud I did it... baby steps!

You might remember a while ago I set myself the goal of running in 3 fun runs.  Well, 2 of them have gone, but the Mother's Day Classic is coming up and I have recieved my tag and number, and I really think that it will be a good thing to do.  Now, with my knee and my fitness levels at the moment, I won't be running, but I do want to do it - even though it will be the weekend before my exams start.

I am also wanting to get the winter veggie garden up and running, so over the next week I am planning on getting the patch ready and planted. Speaking of the garden, I cooked up some of the most delicious tomato relish the other day using this recipe and tomatoes from our garden.  We have started using a lot more of the veggies we have grown and it's so wonderful to know that we are eating fresh and that we have grown it ourselves!

Guess where I went today...

Today, for the first time in about 2 months, I stepped into my gym!

I was only there for about 20 minutes, and it was only to do exercises that my physio has given me, but it felt good to ba back there... felt like nothing had changed - which is great as I was a little worried about going in again lol.

So, there is progress! lol

However, since this morning, my knee is hurting again... I don't know if this is a good thing or not, so I am now resting it and trying to keep it stable. 

Checking In

Hi All

I am just checking in with my weekly weigh in.  Now, I actually did weigh myself yesterday morning, and I have to say, that I really didn't want to come in here and tell you that I did put on weight.

The truth is though, I am mostly ok with the fact that I put on weight.  We were in Melbourne on the weekend, and I haven't been moving that much because of my knee - plus I know that my eating has been all out of whack. Stress and eating don't go well together for me... I have had an exam and a report due (and done) and another exam on Monday for chemistry which I really don't feel prepared for and I am quicte panicky about it actually...

So, I am owning that, plus I am also trying to accept that this is life, and this time my weightloss isn't all or nothing.  Bumps happen and I am ok with that... mostly! haha!!  I think the hardest part is the little voice in my head telling me what I can't do and that I have failed...

So here is to ignoring the voices in my head! haha!

Anyway, so I only put on a kilo, so that's not too bad.  I think the worst thing is that I have been on my own so often lately, that I have kinda given up on cooking... not good! I am still struggling with breakfast... I think I am going to have to try and find something I am looking forward to eating... I have always loved honey weats... maybe I should give them a go lol My breakfast schedule has gone out the window since I have quit working full time lol

In saying that though, last night I actually made an effort and I made san choy bow... mostly cos I had the stuff sitting there and B doesn't like it lol... perfect reason to make it... all for me!!!  I even used lettuce from my garden! I have to say, you haven't had lettuce until you have grown it yourself!!  I am not a salad fan, but this is tops!

So, at the moment with uni has been crazy... as I mentioned before I have already had an exam and a report due - which are now done and dusted, but I am really struggling to get through Chemistry right now... in fact I have to admit that I am procrastinating about studying because I just feel so overwhelmed - how ridiculous is that?!  I know I just need to get in and get it done, but everytime I try I start freaking out...

On the upside, I have been itching to do some exercise lately - I think that it's mostly because I can't due to my knee.  However, my knee is feeling really great today and I am due at the physio in 15 minutes, so I had better get going!!

Anyway, that's my update!

I'm still around

I'm still here guys!!  The last few days have been a bit chaotic for me!!

Since I hurt my knee on Wednesday I have bee a little incapacitated, but I have also been busy!  I think it sounds a bit like an oxymoron, but I seem to have had so much going on.

On Thursday I spent the day at home, tryign to rest my knee.  I also went to the Dr, and he said that I may have a minor tear in my cartilage. He was thinking that it should be better by tomorrow, but right now I think it has gotten worse...

On Friday I had my first exam this semester. It actually went really well (I think!) and all of the studying I have done over the last couple of weeks really helped!!  Idid have 1 question that I had absolutely no idea about, so I just tried to figure it out myself based on the term... so I made up an answer and while I won't get full marks, I actually think I was on the right track!! lol I'm impressed with that!!

Yesterday we flew to melbourne for a surprise birthday party for one of B's mates.  We also got to catch up with some of my best friends who came down from Bendigo.  I just love to catch up with them and had the most amazign day.  We spent the day walking around, talking, and we even checked out the Queen Victoria Markets.  However, by the afternoon, my knee was so swollen!! My knee hasn' been overly sore, just twinges, but it was starting to ache yesterday from all of my hobbling, and I ended up getting a knee brace from a chemist there which really helped to restrict movement and to help me to keep it stable.  The party last night was a lot of fun!!  There was bowling and pool (I just observed) and it was great to meet more people.

So far today, I have only really been sitting at home.  I have to admit my knee is a bit sore, and I am trying to alternate ice and heat, but I will be heading back to the Dr tomorrow and probably booking in for a physio as well.

I really need to get stuck into more uni work (I have a chem quiz due tonight, and I haven't caught up yet! I also have a report due tomorrow that I haven't done much work on, and a chemistry exam next Monday.) but I can't seem to find any motivation or concentration lol.

My eating hasn't been the greatest over the last few days, so I don't think I will lose any weight this week, but I am ok with that (at this stage lol) and I accept that I have had a few challenges this week.

Whoops!

Whoopsy Daisy!!!

After I wrote this morning about my knee, I have managed to do more damage!! I went to work, and managed to last 15 minutes of my 5 hour shift!! That's right folks, I had the exact same thing happen again, only thing was, it was at work and it felt worse!!!  OMG the pain!!!

3 first aiders and an incident report later I was sent home with the prospect of a torn ligament behind my right knee and orders to go to the doctor tomorrow if it's still sore...

I can't walk properly at the moment and I am the only one home until tomorrow night with a chemistry tutorial on tomorrow (my uni is about 30km away and driving is painful) and we have stairs... leading up to the study and the bedrooms...

I have just hobbled upstairs after resting downstair for a couple of hours and intend on staying in the study for a while before trying to negotiate the stairs again.

It sounds silly, but I don't know what to do for dinner now... I could cook, but it's uncomfortable... the only other option is delivery, which basically means pizza - which I don't want to do...