Another Fresh Start

I don't know if you guys are exasperated at the idea of me trying again, or if you are excited that I am posting, but I would like to think it's the latter.

Yes, I am back... again....

However, this time I am trying to keep things simple (won't seem like it in a minute though! hahaha!), stress free and 'easy'... well, as easy as I can make it. I am hoping that I am finally getting myself sorted, mentally and physically.

B pointed something out to me the other week, and it has been playing on my mind ever since.  I am a routine person. I struggle when I don't have a routine, and as B pointed out, I have struggled a lot since I started shiftwork, which is also when I started at uni.  Now, I don't tell him this often, but he is right, I have struggled and I couldn't figure out why.

I like to plan, I like to know what is happening, and lets be really honest... I like being in control. However, for the last 18 months, I have felt out of control. I feel like I am spinning out of control because I have no routine, so I feel like I am being pulled in so many different directions and feeling like I need to be everywhere at once.

I feel that this is the main reason why I haven't been able to lose weight, why I have struggled with a uni routine, and why I feel so lost.

Since this passing comment, I have done much thinking, and as my uni schedule was changing with the new semester (by the way; passed anatomy and got a distinction in nutrition! woot!), I spoke with my work and asked to have the same shift on all of the other days. I am hoping that having some form of structure to my days will help me mentally as well as only taking on one unit this semester.

Hopefully with all of this, I will be able to make weight loss a regular part of my day as it once was, and continue to post more on here!

What would a body scan say about you?

While perusing Facebook the other day, the following post came up in my feed from I Fucking Love Science:

"These two pictures show body scans of two women approximately the same age and height. The one on the left weighs 113 kg (250 lbs), while the one on the right weighs 54 kg (120 lbs). Accumulated adipose tissue is not the only difference bet...ween the two; the obese woman has an enlarged heart and her lungs are somewhat restricted.

Obesity has recently been declared a disease by the American Medical Association. While this does not have any legal ramifications, it may encourage doctors and insurance companies to take more steps in treating and preventing obesity. However, many disagree with the AMA's definition, citing that obesity is a complex issue with multiple causes and treatment options.

Obesity is defined as having a body mass index over 30 kg/m^2. It greatly increases the risk of Type 2 diabetes, heart disease, and osteoarthritis.

More info: http://bbc.in/14whyV6"

What scares me the most about this is not that obesity has been declared a disease, but more that the first picture is of a similar weight to me... what does my body look like?! I don't know how tall these examples are (probably shorter than me seeing as the second example is 54kg), but it's quite scary seeing the difference between the two.

 

For me it really highlights the fact that I have done damage to my body by putting weight on again, but you can really see the stress that the body would be under with all of that adipose tissue. On a side note, now that I have studied anatomy, there are so many more things that I notice about these two women; the heart, the liver, the difference in muscle/fat around the stomach as well as the bones.

 

As for the disease classification... well, I am not a health professional (yet!), but personally I don't believe that you can classify obesity as a disease.  To me a disease is something like cancer which is generally unavoidable. Whereas in most (and I stress the word most!) cases, obesity is something that is due to lifestyle, socioeconomic status, poor knowledge or poor choices.  For me, at one stage or another with my weight I have fit into all of these categories. Sometimes I do believe there can be cases where a person can be obese from something going wrong in their body, or a genetic mutation or something like that, but overall I think that most cases of obesity can be remedied through knowledge, good nutrition and exercise.

Why I decided to study Nutrition

With this being my 200th post (HOORAY!!!!), I thought I would spend some time reflecting on why I decided to study nutrition.

 

I did write a post at the beginning of last year outlining some of the basics, but with a few new things coming up for B and I as well as my recent freaking out about not being able to manage my time and not feeling like I am getting anywhere, I figured I needed a bit of a reminder.

 

The real reason I decided I wanted to study nutrition was to be able to help people. When I lost 20kg before I had people coming to me for advice, which I would happily give based on what I had done... healthy eating, moderation and exercise... nothing gimmicky. A few of my friends have taken up that advice (given over skim lattes at McCafe lol) and have lost a lot of weight.

 

By losing the weight I did, I found a passion... something I had never had before.  I could talk about losing weight and healthy eating for hours. I loved to read about nutrition, finding healthy recipes and I loved the energy I had.

 

Over the last few years of studying, I have come to a few conclusions about weight loss, obesity and our society, and these are things that I would like to help 'fix':

• Knowledge is important! A lot of the food knowledge is being lost in the new world of convenience.
• A lot of people don't understand what makes one food healthier over another.  People will believe what companies tell them.
• A lot of people don't know how to cook... and don't know about flavours or what a lot of fruit and veggies are... and the truth is that these are still things I am learning.
• People are less inclined to think about where their food has come from, and even what their food actually is or what it contains. Additionally, people are unaware of how food is supposed to taste... this was a big eye opener for me!
• Convenience has made it's way into our lives in so many forms; from food to transport.  Fresh foods are seen as a hassle now and no one wants to walk to the shops now that we have cars

I also feel that I have grown as a person since deciding to go to university. I love combining my love of learning, nutrition, gardening and sustainability and combining them all together to create meals. By using the scraps from the kitchen I am able to nourish my garden to grow delicious, nutrient-rich foods that can be used in my cooking, and then those scraps are returned to the garden once again to continue the cycle.

 

I love that not only am I learning how all of this can come together to produce foods and meals that have a lot of nutrients, but I am able to pass this knowledge on to Miss 5 who will hopefully know a lot more than I did when I started... and will hopefully know a lot more than my generation does about what they are actually eating and what their lifestyles mean.

Hoping to make a comeback!

Over the last few days I have been thinking about how much I miss blogging.  Don't get me wrong... nothing has changed really, I'm still busy as hell, overthink everything, am too hard on myself and feel like I have poor time management skills, but have really missed being able to lay myself bare and reach out to people.

 

I am still (*ahem* back...) doing Weight Watchers, and I am still really enjoying it and  I have met some wonderful women also doing WW who have really helped me and been a fantastic support. I did have a short break from WW, which was about 2-3 months, but in that time we moved house, I changed stores for work, lost my Nana which I am still grieving and also became quite sick (basically bedridden for 2 weeks) and also managed a trip to the dentist (I have a phobia, trust me, that's significant!).

 

I am very proud to say though, that during that time I hovered around the same weight, so while I was off-plan and not eating very well at all, something must have stuck because I at least don't feel like I am back at the beginning, which has been such a big issue for me in the past.  I am currently sitting at my second mini goal which will get me to a loss of 10kg, I still have 4.9kg to get to that, and I am hopeful for a good weigh in this week.

 

Mentally, I actually feel really at peace and confident that I can succeed.  At the beginning of the week I had a bit of meltdown and fully realised just how truly unhappy I am with my weight and just how much my body image and self confidence have suffered because of it.  I am not saying that weight loss will be the miracle cure to fix it, but I do believe it will be a step in the right direction

 

While speaking with some of the WW girls supporting me I came across some older pictures of me where I was at different weights. Usually I would be horrified and ashamed of what I have done to my body, especially after working so hard to lose the weight in the first place, but now I can look at these pictures and see them as inspiration or goals.

 

 

A few of my friends have been running recently, and I have always had it in my head that "I am not a runner", "I cannot do it"... but recently I have been questioning it.  I love the idea of running, but am unsure of whether or not it is for me... at this point in time I am still pondering...

 

As I am technically on uni holidays (although still studying for deferred exams), I am attempting to fit exercise back into my life. I am hoping to do this through fitness videos, free weights and a barbell set and once again the Wii and Xbox fitness games.

 

Also, to save your guys from the continuous onslaught of gardening and sustainability posts, I have started up a new blog here, where if you are interested you can follow me there too!

 

Hopefully I will be around to post more.  Weigh ins, as always, are on a Wednesday... that's a good place to start! If you are still around and reading, please say Hi... I do love getting comments on my blog and always try to reply to each one!

Convenience in Food, Weight Loss and Our Lives

So this is the tangent I went on while writing my previous post. This started while talking about my visit to the butchers yesterday while doing my groceries.

 

Something I have learned from this is that butchers are actually cheaper than the supermarket and the meat is much better. Now, you might be like B and already knew this, but I had always had it in my head that the butchers were expensive and Woolies was cheaper.  In fact yesterday I bought sausages, mince, marinated steaks, beef stir-fry strips and chicken fillets (which I asked them to dice up for me! WIN!) and it cost me about $30!! At Woolies that would have cost me about $45 or more! The butchers are in our shopping mall, so there is really no reason not to go there!

 

Also, I was under the impression that the meat at the butchers would be full of fat and there wouldn't be any of the reduced fat stuff there.... wrong again! I even had a chat with the lady there about it as I really felt like I was entering a new world! haha!! The beef strips I bought yesterday I would say are 99.9% beef - hardly any fat in sight!  The sausages and mince I got were also the reduced fat form.

 

For me, and I am sure like many others, I have grown up in the world of convenience. Where we go to one shop, get everything and leave.  I think a lot about my Nana and how she would have had to go into so many specialty stores to get her foods; the butchers, the bakers (candlestick makers?!), the green grocers, etc.  And we all know that veggies at the grocers are generally better and much more fresh, even just going to Bakers Delight and getting a loaf of bread is better than the stuff at the supermarket... In fact, I even make our own bread and pizza dough in our bread maker... can't beat it! (Just wish I could cut it nicely... any tips out there?)

 

Does this world of convenience impact on our weight loss? I think so.  I think we are so used to convenience that we expect our weight loss to be the same. The other side of this is that we have compromised quality with convenience. I only know this because I started growing our own food, and if I knew that veggies were supposed to taste like THAT, then I probably would have eaten more.

 

Now, don't get me wrong, I still struggle with it all. Sometimes I am tired and I don't want to cook, or just want to heat something up, and sometimes I just really can't be assed eating my fruit and veggies (shocking, I know, but it's the truth). But I always look forward to having tacos with fresh lettuce, carrot and tomatoes from our garden. I also live with a guy who isn't so keen on eating veggies and a little girl who is better than both of us combined at eating hers.

 

For me, I find that I am learning so much more about quality of food, and what it is MEANT to taste like.  The first time I had our home-grown lettuce, I couldn't believe the taste!! I never knew lettuce was supposed to taste sweet. I hope that this knowledge will help me become a better dietician, that I can help people to see that if healthy food can taste so yummy, that it can really impact on what we eat and cook.

 

 

About time for a weight loss related post...

Seeing as my last few posts have been about my garden, sustainability or the mental implications of losing/gaining weight, I figured it's probably about time that I actually checked in with something to do with MY weight loss!

 

Since Easter I have come off the rails a bit, but I actually kind of expected this and I am happy to say that I handled it much better than I have in the past.  Last year I made myself sick by eating so much chocolate, this year I still ate a decent amount of chocolate, but it was nothing in comparison to recent years.  I really think that the Weight Watchers mentality has really stuck this time, which is a great thing!!! Yes, I overate, not only at Easter, but for the month following, but overall I was only 900g up!  Which is nothing in the grand scheme of things, especially as in the past I have been able to put that on in a week, let alone in 4 weeks. It has really helped having the graph ticker (on the right, under "The Bigger Picture"), as I could see with each little gain, in the bigger picture, it was ok!

 

The truth is, I indulged but tried so hard not to go overboard. And I have come out of it feeling even more confident in my abilities to see this through this time.  Yesterday when I did the groceries I thought I would mix it up a bit and go to the butchers first and plan my meals that way, rather than going to the supermarket, looking at meal mixes and planning that way.  I actually think that by going to the butchers first I have managed to put together a healthier meal plan for the week. 

 

Now, I have just written a bit of a tangent, so I will save that for a new post (look for that one tonight lol) and keep this one focussed on my actual weight loss.

 

This week I focussed on tracking everything I ate, and trying to cook as many meals as possible.  It hasn't been great, but it has been better. I even had some farewell drinks as I was leaving one of my jobs and I am very happy to say that I have actually lost 500g this week! I was hoping to stay the same as I did go over on my points over the weekend, but this is a great loss to see!!

 

Uni is coming up to the exam period, so we will see how my eating goes then.  This time last year we decided to do Lite n' Easy just so we wouldn't have to cook, but  think that overall I am handling the uni side of things better... or at least I hope I am!

 

However, when uni is finished for the semester I will have 12 weeks off! I am so excited about that! I really feel that this time will be good for me to recharge my batteries, but I am also excited as I am planning on getting back into the exercise over this time, so hopefully it will also help with the weightloss, measurements and toning... as well as mental wellbeing! I will be going back to using the Wii again I think, but I am looking forward to setting myself that challenge.

 

I should also let you all know that I have made a slight change in my Weight Watchers journey.  Instead of doing the Unlimited option (online tools and meetings) I have dropped back to just the online tools.  This does save us a little money, but I also found that for me I am in a good space with it all and I have a great support group on a forum I am on. If I find that I do need that encouragement of a meeting I can always go back to the Unlimited option or even just pay meeting by meeting.

 

 

The Power of New Clothes

I have been thinking about this a lot today, mostly because I finally bought myself a couple of new tops yesterday, but new clothes seem to have an impact on my self image... and it seems to be a really common thing.

 

I don't really buy myself any clothes, mostly because I think I am a bit of scrooge when it comes to money and I always talk myself out of it as an unneeded expense (always been a budgeter, and just never made it work), and also because I am trying to lose weight I have always said I would have a shopping spree when I reached goal... well, as you all know, I am yet to reach goal. I have just never quite made it.

 

In fact, the last time I actually had a bit of a shopping spree was back in 2008... I never realised that until now!  I am still wearing those clothes (well, the ones that still fit!)... I went shopping before my big trip to Europe, as I needed clothes I could layer and I had lost about 15kg.  I took my sister with me and I had so much fun. It was a bonding experience for us both, and having her there with her honesty and love is a great way to buy clothes... who else is going to tell you that you honestly look like shit but a sister?! hahahaha!!

 

What made me realise all of this is that I am actually really excited about wearing one of the new tops I bought yesterday... in fact I have been thinking about it all day.  I also know that when I do wear it that it will make me feel good about myself and I will feel happy and confident within myself. Looking back, it's what happens every time I buy new clothes, or wear something new.

 

So, why am I still wearing things that are 5 years old? If it makes me feel good, gives me self confidence and a lift in my step why do I wear things that make me feel fat and frumpy? Is it really something that I should just hold out for?

 

I have to admit... At least once a week I think about what it would be to always look chic or stylish... but in all honesty, I wouldn't even know where to start... although I wouldn't mind a new pair of boots. haha!

 

So... what about you? Does this sound similar to you or are you someone I should take shopping with me?

 

My new top I am planning on wearing tomorrow. From BeMe

 

What 2000 Calories Looks Like

This video came up in my Facebook newsfeed and I really think that it puts a little perspective on what we eat and portion control.

Now in saying all of this, it doesn't take into account the nutritional value of foods. As you all know, I am a big believer in moderation.  I believe that all foods are ok to eat, as long as you are responsible about it.  Obviously you should try and eat a balanced diet first and foremost, but everything starts with just one small change.

Sometimes it's interesting just to have it laid out like this, to show you the comparison.

Feeling Skinny

About time for an update... don't you think?

 

Once again the thought of posting has been on my mind for the last few days... but that might be because I have an assignment due on Friday... and I am sick of looking at it!!

 

My life is one big chaotic ball at the moment, and the honest truth of it all is that I am not sure if I am coping.  With 2 jobs (yep - 2 now!), uni and a family it's really hard, but right now I am dealing (or not really dealing (or not at all)) with the fact that my Nana has been diagnosed not only with dementia, but also with terminal cancer. I have recently come back from a week in New Zealand to spend some time with her as it is unlikely that she will be with us for much longer, in fact I doubt if she will be here in 3 months time. My Nana is my world, she is the woman who has encouraged me my entire life, who has been always there for me when I have felt so incredibly alone and who has shaped me into the woman I am today. She is the type of woman I strive to be; independent, strong and happy to be who she is. She belongs to no man, lives her life the way she has always wanted and has always helped and supported where she could. I cannot imagine a world without her and our last cuddle together has to be one of the hardest things I have had to face in recent years.

 

However, one positive side to it all was that while I was over there, I didn't put on much weight (1kg) and I have since lost that and more over the last week.  I am currently 300g off my first mini goal of 5kg, I am really looking forward to reaching that as I feel as though it will cement it in my brain that I can lose this weight again. I have also been looking at myself in the mirror over the last few days and thinking to my self that I feel skinnier!  Maybe I am just not as bloated or something, but hopefully it is something clicking in my brain and it is catching up with the weight I have lost.

 

The slow and steady mentality has kicked in again, and for me this is how I lose weight... this is what works for me.  No pressure, just life and trying to get the right balance. Always aiming for a 500g loss works for me, and trying to keep my food as healthy and nutritious as possible seems to be the key.

 

For example, today for lunch I had Curried Pumpkin Soup (Weight Watchers Recipe) and grain toast. So delicious!  It was a favourite of mine when I first did WW over 2 years ago now, and I still love it.  Now that the weather seems to be turning colder, I need to find some more delicious soup recipes, so if anyone has any that they would like to share, please do!

 

While I didn't take an official start photo, I am thinking of taking some for each 5kg I lose, so hopefully next week I can put up a progress pic.

 

Also, a little update on the garden front, I have potatoes in at the moment and I also bought a mandarin tree! I am a total newbie to fruit trees, so if anyone has any tips, please share those too!  I have ordered the compost bins I spoke about in my last post and I am just waiting for them to be delivered! Hope it's soon! I can't wait!!

 

I think that is all for me for now, hope everyone is going well, catch you next time!

I think I'm back?

You may have noticed that I have added a couple of posts over the last few days... I have been thinking about coming back and posting again... but thought I would wait for some kind of milestone... looks like I can't wait that long! lol

 

So, how about an update?

 

I have been keeping things really quiet lately as I really was sick of posting stuff up only to "fail" or at least fall behind. After 3 months or so, I finally feel as though my head is in the right space.  Things seem to be falling into place, at least weight loss and uni wise.

 

Over the last few months I have had a chance to really think things through, with no pressure, no goals and no obligations. It took a fair bit of soul searching, but I have finally come to peace with my new way of life and how I can fit things in/work things out.

 

In early January after a little holiday I signed up to Weight Watchers again, and this time, it's working!  My goals have been simple with my weightloss:

• no comparing myself to others
• taking it slowly
• not getting worked up on "the right way", just doing what works for me at the time
• aiming to lose 500g a week, but not beating myself up if I don't make it (hasn't happened yet lol)

Before uni I was exercising everyday, now that uni has gone back I'm not doing any.  While this isn't ideal, my experiences from last year proved that it's just not going to happen... and that's ok, so my focus will be on my diet.

I am breaking my weightloss down into 5kg mini goals. To me this is much more achievable, as you all know I have struggled to lose 5kg in one hit in a long time.

Rather than aiming for my healthy BMI range weight of 75kg, I have decided to aim for 85kg, as that was a weight I was able to maintain for a long time.  I am even thinking of just maintaining at that weight for 6 months or so, to let my body, brain and mindset catch up.

Anyway, onto the stats that I know that you all want to hear.  Since the 9th of January, I have lost 3.6kg, which is more than the 500g a week!  Pretty happy with that! So far I have even lost 11cm in a month.  I am due for more measurements as of this week.

So, sticking with my no pressure rule, I will stick with updating when I can, with no set routine. 

Hope to see you all soon!

Slapped in the Face by the Wii Fit Balance Board

Since my last post I have finished uni and all my exams, but I am still a little torn about whether or not I want to continue blogging.

 

However, over the last couple of days things have happened that I have wanted to write a post about, so I have decided to come back, write when I want to write and not push it... so lets see how that goes! I am still concerned about having this all public, and falling off the wagon again for all to see, but maybe it could be my driving force? Who knows...

 

Anyway, now I figure I should tell you all what I have been thinking/doing.  I think I mentioned before that my goal was to get back on track once uni was over, so that I would have a bit more free time to dedicate to building up some routines.  Initially I had said that I would start on the 1st December, it seemed like a good place to start and it would give me a week to ease into it all...

 

However... I started yesterday! lol!!

 

I am feeling much more calm about everything, and able to focus on it all, so I figured, why wait if I am feeling like this... better just get on with it!

 

Not long after my last post I decided to jump back on the Wii, the Wii Fit Balance Board told me that it had been 665 days since my last weigh in... and in that time I had put on 22.8kg... Initially I was mortified... but leave it to a computer to tell you what you need to hear and give you that slap in the face!  Funnily enough, it was actually a really good motivator!

 

I used to use the Wii as my main source of exercise when I was single with a mortgage and a limited budget... and it worked really well!!  In fact, that day a few weeks ago when I first jumped back on, I remembered just how much I used to love it!

 

Both yesterday and today I have done at least a half hour workout, using both the Wii and the Xbox, although I have to say that I am leaning more towards the Wii... I think I just feel a little more comfortable with it, and at the moment I am really loving the step programs.  Yesterday I burned 397 calories, and today another 382... and it barely felt like a chore! (BONUS! haha)

Another really big motivator is feeling how much my body is struggling with not only exercises, but also in basic stretches and flexibility.  Not only does it feel a bit 'tighter' but there is a lot more fat in the way. At least I can see/feel the comparison.

 

Food wise, I spent Sunday afternoon organising my Menu Planner app on the iPad again, worked out what I wanted to have for dinners and lunches this week and then used it to help me sort out my shopping list (it automatically builds it for you based on your recipes/meal plan, and then I just delete what I already have).  Yesterday I was right on target for calories, and it looks like today will be the same... at this stage at least! haha!  In my shopping, I did also buy a fun pack of Freddo Frogs and I have popped them into the freezer so that they take longer to eat, and its more of a conscious decision to eat one.

I have also gone back to using Calorie King, it's actually kind of nice to come back to my old faithful... all of my recipes where there from before as well as the lists of my favourite foods. Plus, I know it, I know how it works and can just quickly sort it all out on the computer or iPad.  I love that its all correct and not entered in by the public, I have had a few burns from My Fitness Pal where the data entered was incorrect.

 

Before my exams were on, we basically lived on take away, so I need to tell you all that my weight has gone up... again!!! As of yesterday morning I am 107.9kg... crazy stuff!! However, at least I am feeling more relaxed and a lot more in control, which I am loving. Here's to the weight going down!!

 

At this point in time I have decided to pull down the Goals and Progress sections, as it wasn't working for me in the past... although that may have just been my mindset, but also because it's going to need an overhaul and a fresh start.

Should I Stay or Should I Go??

It is currently T-16 days until my final exam... the last of my final exams actually and I have been thinking a lot about my weightloss and what lies ahead in between all of the studying.

 

I have to admit, I have been considering falling off the blogging wagon for a little while... maybe trying to lose some weight on the quiet...

 

Mostly because I am sick of failing and having it all out there as public knowledge...

 

I don't know if this is the right approach to it all, but I do have to admit that I am still feeling very alone in it all... mostly because this is the position I have put myself into... and let's be honest, the weightloss journey can be a lonely one... especially because only you can do it and commit to it.

 

I look at where I was, where I have ended up and I know that it can be done, because I have done it before.  I have inspired friends and family to lose weight and be healthier... and I can't help but admit that at this point in time, I am actually a little jealous of them... haha!! Ironic huh?!

 

I really miss the local Healthy Inspirations, that closed down not long after the GFC.  The support and community of women there were helpful, uplifting and so supportive.  While I wouldn't want to do their meal planning again, I do miss that atmosphere and the easiness of the exercise.

 

I was committed!

I had time!

I had energy!

I was fit!

I was unstoppable!

 

I want to be there again...

 

 

Checking in....

I have a little bit of time before my anatomy lecture, so I thought I would do a quick post to let you all know that I am still around.

I'm a bit all over the place at the moment, I want to just get on with this whole weightloss thing, but it always seems to just get pushed to the side when everything else comes up. I don't want it to be this way. I want to get back into it and I want it to be how it was before... Eating better, regular exercise and feeling great.... Oh, and fitting into my clothes!!!

Sadly, I just don't think it can be like that again. I finally understand how people struggle when they have a family and how many time restraints there are, not to mention just feeling exhausted!

I don't want this to be my excuse though, I am far too stubborn to give up and to let it beat me... I figure as long as I am trying to do what I can and make better decisions the better I am in general.

Poor planning = piss poor performance

And this is where I am at he moment. I haven't done any meal planning, I've been busy with a little money to do a proper grocery shop and overwhelmed by Uni atm (exams in 3 weeks and I'm not doing so well!)

What I am thinking at the moment is that in 4 weeks Uni will be done for the year, while I will be (hopefully) taking on more shifts, I think it will be less pressure and stress overall and I would like to spend the summer time focussing on weightloss and hopefully putting some routines in place so that when Uni comes back I can keep those going.

Update

Ok, so now that I have gotten that little tangent out of the way, you will have noticed that I haven't updated for a little while... this is because I have had mid semester exams on all week, so it has been heads down, bum up for a little while.

I am happy to come in and tell you all that at weigh in on Wednesday I lost 1kg!! I was pretty happy with that!!  It was good to see that tracking what I was eating and exercising each day (mostly walking) helped.

This week has been a bit of a different story, not that I have done anything outrageous or anything, but there have been a couple of days where I haven't tracked and I haven't done any exercise at all...  I am ok with this as my mind has been on uni and I am taking this as a long-term journey... and these things happen... like the Tupperware party I had yesterday where we made scones... haha!!

Environmental Impact

Today on Facebook there was an interesting conversations going on when a company I like and follow (Cushie Tushies) posted the picture below

 

 

Ever since I was young (primary school age), I have had an interest in environmentalism.  In fact, my family used to make fun of me for being a "hippy" or a "greenie"... luckily I am far to stubborn to listen to the teasing and have always remained a bit of a "hippy". 

 

The thing is, over the years, I have kind of dropped off on the whole environmentalism thing, but there are a few fundamental aspects that I still follow.

 

In my mind, I am always looking for ways to reduce my impact... like using the Nude Food Movers so that I don't need to use plastic sandwich bags, or having a separate bin next to the rubbish for recycling and then teaching Miss 4 to know what goes into which bin.  There is also the worm farm, which means that I can put my food scraps and coffee grounds in there which will act as a compost and can then go into my veggie garden which reduces the amount of carbon emissions associated with not buying food locally.

 

Additionally, there is also the aspect of buying packaged foods, not only can these be worse for us nutritionally, but there are usually individual packets, which then mean more waste.

 

One of the really scary things I noticed was that each disposable nappy takes about 450 years to decompose!!  I find this so scary as I can't imagine the amount of disposables that could possibly be in landfill right now!!

 

This is one of the reasons why I love the idea of fabric nappies...  I have had friends use them in the past and they have told me about them, and then I met the founder of Cushie Tushies through the 12WBT and I have been following her page ever since... I had decided that when I had a baby that I would use these nappies, but after seeing this picture, it has really solidified it for me.

 

Right now, I feel like the biggest preacher, but the point of all of this was actually noticing how much I do to actively make a difference... I know that I am not perfect, and that there is a lot more that I can do, but it's nice to know that I am doing a little bit each day to help.

Wedding Celebrations

B and I have just gotten back from a wonderful weekend away in the Hunter Valley for a friends wedding.  The weather was simply beautiful and the bride and groom were stunning.

 

Overall it was just amazing to have a weekend away, just B and I and it was great to have a chance to dress up and let loose.

 

Boy oh boy did I let loose!!!

 

I ate what I wanted, when I wanted and didn't really think about anything nutritional. On Saturday night I drank so much wine... looking back, it was probably close to 2 bottles... yeah... it was a lot!!  Especially for someone who hadn't been drunk in over a year it was a pretty epic night!!

 

One thing I did find was that some of my passion for helping people with their diets/nutritional aspects of their lives.  A friend of ours has recently been diagnosed as being gluten intolerant and also cannot eat onion or garlic.  While she is seeing a dietician it was great to be able to talk about nutritional values to foods and help to give ideas.  She has the opposite problem to me in that she keeps loosing weight (I just keep finding it!), but didn't know how to eat more, and needed ideas on how to start eating breakfast.  I don't pretend to know as much as a dietician (hence why I am studying to be one) but I do know some tips on how I was able to eat breakfast, or healthy snacks and whatnot.  I also directed her to the Healthy Food Guide magazine which has lots of recipes for people who are gluten intolerant as well as some excellent articles.

 

As you can see from the above photo, the outfit went well, as did the shrug.  I was so glad I made it, not only to cover my arms, but it actually got a bit chilly with the wind that was there.

 

I have to admit that while I love the outfit... I am not very happy with how I look in it, or in any of the photos.  In fact, there isn't a single photo that I haven't cringed at, but I know the only person who can deal with this, is me.

 

Whenever I travel I always make excuses for how I eat.  It's almost as though when I leave town calories didn't exist, and nutritionally everything has the same value... which we all know is not the case.

 

While I ate so much crap while I was away, and B and I even had pizza for dinner tonight as we were exhausted from all of the travelling, I am really looking forward to getting some real home cooked meals in.  The thing is, the way I eat is up to me, so is how I exercise.  I keep putting blame on B for not cooking things that are more nutritional in that he may not like it, but I think I need to put myself first on this.  I know that B will support me in this (as long as there is some form of meat involved), I just don't want him to feel as though he is missing out... That I am forcing him to eat things that he doesn't like... but I have a feeling this is a common thing??

 

When I was tracking over the last couple of weeks it was nice to have that feeling of control, but it was also great to know that I could eat what I wanted, I just needed to make it work.  I had forgotten this and I love the freedom that it gave me.  I am looking forward to getting back to this tomorrow.

 

It is also now October, which means Walktober is here!  Don't forget to join my team if you want to!!  I think it's a great challenge, and I think it's going to be a great motivator.  In fact, I am putting it on here that tomorrow I want to go for a walk!  I am wanting to get up at 7am and go for atleast a 15 minute walk... just to start small, but to at least get started.  Hopefully once I get going I will just keep going... you know, like Forrest Gump... maybe I'll even get to the point where I will be running... hopefully not the way Forrest runs though...

 

I have also decided that I will keep the Progress and Goals pages as they are, but just keep adding to them now.  There is no point in deleting the information on them, because this is my journey... and there are going to be hiccups along the way.

 

Right now I am trying to think of a new goal to have.  While the wedding one didn't quite work out the way I wanted it to, the truth is, my mindset is so much better than it was back then, and I over the last few weeks I have managed to put a few things into perspective, and seem to have a bit more stickability and perseverance as well as a long term approach.  While I am not back to the way I used to be, I know what the building blocks are, and I just need to start putting them back into place.

 

Seeing as it is October, Christmas is now about 12 weeks away (I know!!!! I don't want to admit to that either!!), but in regards to losing weight it is a good goal to have!  At half a kilo a week, that would be 6kg.  While this next weigh in is probably going to be a gain due to this weekend away, I am hoping it will put me under 100kg!  Now that's a goal!!  I will update the blog with this goal after weigh in on Wednesday.

 

It's time to get this sorted, I keep talking about it all, but now it's time for action... and that means continuing to calorie count and also to include exercise!

Amazing and Inspiring Woman

I have just sat down and read this amazing story of Kazz's journey.

 

What an exceptional woman!!!! I am simply in awe of her!!! She has lost an incredible amount of weight and she has such confidence!!  Not only in herself, but in her journey and in taking control of her life.

 

Her journey has taken 5 years so far, but I love that it's not an issue for her (it annoyed me that I was at it for 4 years) and she is going so strong!!

 

She reminds me of the passion I once had for weight loss and nutrition, which I will honestly admit has diminished considerably, so much so that I have seriously considered whether I am doing the right thing in studying to be a nutritionist.  However, she has inspired me to find my passion again.  I want my confidence back!  I want to believe in myself again! I want to have the passion I used to feel back in my life!! 

 

This story has brought back so many memories for me tonight, how I felt, how much I achieved and how proud of myself I was.  It doesn't matter if it takes me another 4 years, all that matters is that I take control of the situation and learn to love and respect myself and my body again.

 

Kazz, I feel as if your story has woken me up again, and I am ready to get on with it, and get it done!  Thank You!!

 

 

Little Piggy

Oomph!  I don't feel so good!!

I have totally pigged out today and had far too much sugar... while I feel like crap at the moment, it has made me realise that my eating hasn't been so bad  over the last few weeks, it hasn't been great, but it's been pretty good.

Small win!!

I haven't posted on here for about a week, but I have been thinking a lot about posting something up, I have just been focussing on uni work, and trying to catch up/get through it all.

I have to admit that I have come off the wagon a bit with eating/exercising, which I have to say is mostly because I didn't see any differences on the scales which in turn made  me feel sad... and then the good habits started to fade.

My mental awareness of food is coming back though, and I think so is my positive attitude to weightloss as well, as I have been finding that I have started telling myself some of my old mantras:

"It doesn't matter if you fall off the wagon, it's that you're still trying"

"You haven't failed because you haven't given up"

"It doesn't matter how many times you try again, it matters that you are trying"

"Where would you be if you weren't trying?? Probably somewhere worse!"

I personally like these, as it does make me feel better to know that I am still here, and still giving it a go, because it could  be worse... I could be getting fatter...

 

And the fact that I have had a bit of a sugar pig out today reminds me that not only do I not like how it makes me feel, but that I don't want to be this way.

 

Yes, I am scared of trying... I am scared of it not working, but in all honesty... I am feeling lazy in that I don't want to try... I know how much hard work goes into losing weight, and it makes me feel tired.

 

This is such a lame excuse/reason!!  How ridiculous!!!

 

I know it is up to me... I am just scared that I am not enough... can I do this??

 

One person who always believes in me is my buddy Cas, who always manages to pep me up... and I never realise this until hours or days later...  She gets me thinking, and well, actually... she gets inside my head!!! I can hear her words going round and round inside my head.

 

The other night I set up my profile to get calorie counting again and I even set up my profile on an Xbox game to get exercising on that... so there are some positive steps...

 

Now, I just need to get my fat arse to do it!!

 

In fact... I might go and do something now... something fun, that I love doing... Might be time to do some step!

Just a little update... well... maybe a long one!

Well, I thought I would pop in with a bit of an update... as even though I will be doing the cleaning/organising challenge and will be blogging about it on here, the  weight loss aspect of my life hasn't stopped.

Don't get me wrong, I actually think that having the house tidy and organised will be beneficial for weight loss as hopefully I won't feel so cluttered and enclosed and will feel a little more 'free' in myself, but I am hoping to also find time to continue blogging about my wins/losses and everything in between.

Now, I do have to tell you all that for the last week, I have been... 'off'... with my eating and exercise habits.  I know I was getting better at it, so what happened?! I hear you say... well... in truth... it was the fact that I was being 'good' and watching what I was eating and everything via the Weight Watchers plan... and I wasn't losing weight... I basically maintained for 3 weeks!  Now, I know it seems silly, but at the beginning of changing to eating healthy foods and cutting down portion sizes and bad foods, you would think there would be some kind of a loss right?!

Nope.

So, while I didn't necessarily throw a tanty, I did just kind of go 'meh' to it all and haven't tracked, counted or exercised... in fact, I will admit to losing momentum.

On the plus side, we haven't really had any take away (except for birthday/father's day celebrations) and I have been aiming to cook every night, so I am actually really happy with this, as I am still pretty determined to live a healthier lifestyle. Looks like something stuck!!  YAY!

Two steps forward, one step back.

With the exercise side of things... I have decided that I will definitely be cancelling my gym membership, so I will be emailing them tomorrow.  I do enjoy going to the gym, but I am really just not in that frame of mind at the moment.  We now have both the Xbox and the Wii set up and as I am at home most of the time I am hoping to get a routine in place for using the games we have for exercise (as I have done in the past)... right now I think that simplicity is key.

Also, when I decided to do WW again, I popped down to a local meeting to pick up a pedometer.  I have actually found it really interesting to see how many steps I do when I am around uni, but mostly when I am at work.  Even on a half day at work I can work up 10,000-12,000 steps!!! CRAZY!!  Definitely means I was right when I initially said that I get a workout at work so would just exercise on days when I wasn't working!! No wonder work is so tiring!!

Uni at the moment is about to start week 4... and somehow I have managed to fall behind... it seems that my 'great plan' has failed as I have been out and about and haven't actually done the pre-study that I wanted to do.  However, I have found that this method really does work well for me... I just need to bloody do it!!  I think the key right now (after I actually catch up!!) is to mark out sections that I want to do each night in preparation and tick those off as a task for each day.  One benefit of uni is that each semester I am learning about how I study best, and then learning to fine tune it.

I have also been meaning to tell you all that I have received the blue dress to the right of the screen for the wedding.  As soon as I finish the shrug I am currently working on I may post a sneak preview of the outfit (I will have to find the shoes first!) The shrug is a mauve colour, and I think it will suit the dress well.  I did make a shrug in a teal/silver, but I really didn't like the look or texture of it.  Maybe I will need to do a photo of each to show you all??

I am feeling a lot better since my emotional outpouring the other day, some of those things are still on my mind, but I am hoping that I can fix them or at least work with/around them.

I have just celebrated my 28th birthday, and I had an absolute blast when I went out last night (there will probably be a gain this week though!!) I was able to celebrate it with friends and family and just being able to get out and relax/have fun/get out of the house was some really good medicine.

There has also been a bit of talk in my family of my mother (who passed when I was 8) and a recent death of a great uncle who was a wonderful man, does bring home the realisation that there are worse things out there, and to try not to stress, to live life, love and have fun.  I am not good at living by this, I wish I was, but at least for now I am trying not to stress and to put some routines in place so that things won't be so overwhelming in the future.

 

Losing Myself

I haven't actually written a post on here for almost 2 weeks now, don't get me wrong, I have written quite a few in my head, but I just haven't actually sat down to get it all out there.

 

My life right now is filled with all of the typical kinds of stuff; uni, work, cooking, cleaning finding time to study, exercising, meal planning, running around after a 4 year old and sorting out general life stuff...

 

It doesn't seem that unusual to other posts about where I have been, except this time I think that every aspect has been kicked up a notch or two... and I am exhausted.  In truth I kind of feel like an empty shell, or a zombie... just getting on with it all and trying to keep everything all in check...

 

Admittedly... I have to admit... I don't think I am coping really well... at least not according to all of the inner dialogue of crap that I have running around in my head.

 

It's not any one aspect in particular, in fact, it's nothing, and it's everything...

 

My eating has improved considerably over the last few weeks and I do actually feel better, not sure if it's physically, but I know at least mentally I feel better just knowing that I am taking control of that situation.  The last couple of days though, I will admit, haven't been that crash hot, and have included a bit of comfort eating. Exercise wise, I have been to the gym at least twice a week over the last month or so, but I am just not 'feeling it' so to speak (at least mentally/committedness) so as I have mentioned previously, I have now decided to forgo the gym membership and focus on exercising 3 times a week at home.

 

I always have a warning sign of when I am upset/not coping/struggling/whatever and that is cleaning... I am in no way a tidy person.  I can admit it... I don't like to admit it, but it's true, it's the one virgo trait that I just didn't seem to inherit.  However, the last week or so, I am just feeling anxious and I feel as though I can't relax or clear my mind while the house is untidy or out of order.

 

Luckily for me, the universe has provided, with the "20 Days to Clean and Organise Your Home Challenge" that I came across on Facebook... and right now... I need some kind of order lol.  And the idea of having an organised house is exciting (see... virgo! lol)

 

Anyway, just thought I would get this out of my system and let you all know that I am still here... I'm just not quite sure where 'here' is! lol