History

I just wrote this in the 12WBT Forums and thought I would also post it up here...

Well, I didn't think that I would post my story, but here I am.

Let's see, in 2007 at 22 I was told by my doctor that I was pre-diabetic, had high sugar levels, high cholesterol, was overweight and had PCOS. I still remember him telling me this and how I went to my sisters that afternoon and crying. My bestie who had recently past away at the same age as me had diabetes, so it all just hit too close to home.

I changed my diet by cutting out the processed foods and because I was too embarrassed to go outside to exercise because of my weight, I used an exercise bike 6 nights a week for half an hour while watching the biggest loser.

After 6 months I had lost 12 kilos, and needed a change, so I joined healthy inspirations. I didn't have much luck on the scales, but toned my body up to see some amazing measurement losses.

After our local one closed down, I switched from gym to gym, calorie counting along the way and over 4 years losing 23kg.

Then, the weight started creeping back on and I didn't put as much effort in... Then, earlier this year I got with my current partner and managed to put on 10kg in about 3 months! I was partying too much, eating out and not exercising... After all my work over the last 4, almost 5 years, I have still not reached goal weight... In fact, I was only 4kg shy of being back at my start weight...

I had let myself down...

Since mish started doing the 12wbt program I had debated about signing up. After chatting with a friend before last round, I decided to sign up.

My round didn't go according to plan... I was sick 3 times (as in bedridden sick), I moved house, I was in a stressful job, I moved in with my boyfriend (first time I had ever moved in with someone!!!!) and gained an instant family (we have his daughter full time), and finally I also changed jobs! Needless to say, I struggled!

In saying this though, I tried hard to stick to the program as much as I could, and it wasnt until week 11 that I really came unstuck. I didn't have the loss I was expecting, and I have since reverted to my old ways.

What upsets me the most is that I feel like I have let myself down, I feel that I could have done so much more and I am annoyed that I "allowed" myself to "fail".

However, I have learned a lot and I am back! I decided to go to the finale even though I was incredibly sick, and I have to tell you that the atmosphere is electric!! So much so that I actually cried when the workout started because I was so devastated that I was missing out!

I am currently in the process of setting myself some new goals, a couple of which are doing more with the Capital Punishment team here in Canberra, and trying not to stress so much about getting it "right" but just doing it (something I got from the interview with Run Mummy Run last round!), so I want to focus on exercising 6 days a week. Because my new job is so active, I want to become more of a morning person and start exercising in the morning before my day starts.

I have seen how well this program works, and I want it to work for me too - and no one can do it for me, but me!

I have blogged about my previous round, and it has all the highs and lows. I am going to continue writing it this round as I found that it made me more accountable, I would love to have more people reading it and commenting so that I am even MORE accountable lol.

Crippled by Fear

So a while ago I posted about some goals that I wanted to achieve, and these have been on my mind ever since.  I have been seriously considering how I can make these work.

Today I considered calling up the local pool to see about their next technique class, but I have to admit, I started feeling nervous again about actually taking the class!! 

A little history on me and swimming - when I was little, I did a lot of swimming lessons and I remember having a lot of fun!  However, somewhere along the way I became scared of swimming... terrified in fact!  I remember crying in high school to my parents about having to do swimming for PE, and crying in PE class about having to swim and being scared to put my head under the water.  The fear of putting my head under the water is actually something that I have bought with me into my adult life.  I have actually had to condition myself into being able to put my face under the shower without panicking!!

I am quickly realising that this really is a fear, and it is something that needs to be fixed.  It would even be something that would be a great milestone for the next round (ie being able to swim 5 laps - I can probably only do 1 lap.... maybe.... lol)

Inspiring, Emotional and Uplifting Weekend!

WOW!! WOW!! WOW!!

Talk about an amazing weekend!  This weekend was the end of round workout and party for Round 3 of the 12 Week Body Transformation with Michelle Bridges.

Now, I was actually quite sick over the weekend (and days prior).  I have never slept and rested as much as I have in the last few days as I have in years.  I do find it ironic that I started the round off sick, and ended it sick.  But, I think that just captures the kind of round I have had and wraps it all up rather nicely.

We walked from our hotel to the Workout (it was about an hours walk!! - after getting a little lost! lol).  When we got there, I have to admit I was amazed by how many people were there.  It was so impressive!!! 

So many different state/area teams with their colours.  The Capital Punishment team were there in our purple and white shirts.  (I did find out while we were there that the Sydney Crew have the same shirts! lol!!  It made it a little difficult to find other people from Canberra haha!).  Because I was so sick, I had made the decision to not to the workout, and I will tell you all now - I was disapointed since the moment I had made the decision.  However, this disapoinment was nothing compared to the feelings of devastation I felt once I seen Mish on stage and everyone in the crowd joining in on the workout.   I will admit, I actually just started to cry.  I don't know if I was just emotional, but I was just so incredibly sad not to be physically able to participate. (I was also able to hide the tears from B because I was sniffly anyway lol) The atmosphere was electric!!  Everyone was so pumped to be there!!  It was amazing to watch everyone do the workout (and even more amazing watching people do push ups on their toes!!!) Carrie and our friend Kerrie both did the workout, and they said it was hard, but amazing!  Carrie and I also grabbed a quick photo with a friend of ours (Shazzam) who also did the program this round (I'm on the right!)

Once the workout was done, Carrie, Kerry, B and I went and got a cold drink, had a wander around the markets at the Entertainment Quarter and then B and I made our way back to our hotel - where I put myself to bed for the next couple of hours before it was time to get ready for the party - after all that walking and excitement - I needed the rest!

The party was in the Hall of Industries - and WOW! Was it big!  It was so beautiful as well.  There were some great big screens up, so that everyone could see the speeches and awards.  Speaking of awards - there are some amazingly inspiring people out there!!  People have done so well on the program and some of those bodies

- OMG! You would never have believed that there could have been a bigger version of themselves if you didn't see the before photos!  There were free drinks to be had, and while I only had a couple, I did become quite drunk (although I was actually on cold and flu meds and white wine goes straight to my head!) and even got up and danced

(something that only happens when I am way more than tipsy!)  The taxi ride home was eventful in that Carrie, Kerry and I got the giggles - Poor B had to deal with 3 drunk, giggling women!!  I think he handled it all quite well!

Overall, this weekend was amazing!  Even though I couldn't fully participate, the energy and enthusiasm of the workout and party was enough to give me the courage to believe in myself again.  This round has been hard, but I know more than I did before I started this round and my crazy life is starting to settle down again so I should be able to make a real go of Round 1, 2012.  In saying this, I want to get into some kind of a routine before then, and once I am well enough again, I would like to get this started!  The only thing I 'regret' about this weekend (other than not being able to do the workout lol) was that I didn't really connect with some of my twitter/facebook 12wbt friends, and be able to catch up on the day/night - definitely something to remedy next round!

I have been thinking about some goals I want to set, so I will come back in and write about those soon!!  One of these though, would have to be to learn to be more proud of my achievements.  I struggle with recognising that losing 5kg this round is an accomplishment... I can see a difference in the before and after photos - and does mean something!  Plus, where would I be if I didn't lose those 5kg?? Something to think about :D

Ok.... I'm back!

It feels like it has been so long since I have written in here, and I will be honest, I have been hiding.  I became a little lost... well, completely lost...

First off, I want to say a massive thank you to my wonderful boyfriend.  He has done everything in his power to help me and to give me as much support as I could possibly want or need.  I know that I honestly wouldnt be here, in Week 12, without him at my side. Thank you B! Love you! xxx

The other night I had a bit of a melt down about my results for this round.  I know that I haven't done as well as I could have, and I perhaps didn't push myself as much as I should have.  I am in no way against the program, and I honestly believe and know that it works.  In this instance, I am disapointed in myself, and for me, that is probably the worst thing.  As I mentioned in a previous post, I don't like failing, breaking promises and in general being let down - either by myself or by someone else.

B pointed out the other night that I have had a lot of  big life changes going on over the last 6 months or more, and that I have done well to stick with the program as much as I have.... while I do think that this is fair enough, I am worried that maybe it is an excuse, and that I should have been able to take it all on and still have been able to exercise, because, let's face it, things come up all the time in life. I mean, what is going to be different compared with all of the things that will come up in the next few months?  I will still have to deal with them, and I will still have to try and make it work... Can I really do this?

As I mentioned, I had a heartfellt talk with B, and I think that the only way I would actually fail at this, is if I stopped - and I don't want to stop, because I am not happy with my body shape, energy levels or health prospects at the moment.

As Mish says "What are your alternatives?!" If I quit now, nothing will change - I won't lose weight, or tone up if anything, I would probably get bigger - which is not really an option.

So, while technically Round 3 has finished, I don't want this to be the end.  I want to continue on and keep going.   Things have changed considerably lately.  I have started my new job, which comes with more time at this stage (although I am wanting to take on a few more shifts before uni starts) and right now I am just trying to get into some kind of routine at the moment... I have to admit that I am still feeling a little stressed out about all the changes - which seems strange as it should be much easier for me now...  Once I catch up on everything that I have neglected lately, I hope that I can settle in for a little study time for uni so that I can understand a few things before classes start.

I have started thinking about what I want to achieve before the next round of the 12WBT (Preseason starts 16 January) as well as some longer term goals.  This is what I have so far:

• I want to be able to run for a whole kilometer
• I want to be able to do 60 push ups
• I want to get into the overweight category (about 3kg-ish to go)
• I want to consistently exercise
• I want to get fit enough to move up in the categories so that I can do Lean & Strong

One thing I realised the other night was that when I first started to lose weight in 2007, was that I didn't believe that I could lose weight, so I just focused solely on the exercise, and just made sure that I did half an hour (on my exercise bike, at home, watching the Biggest Loser) 6 nights a week, and tried to not eat processed foods. In retrospect, it seems so simple, but I am sure at the time, it wasn't.  Without realising it I was actually in the JFDI mentality - and I just need to get back there again.  I think that the key is to not get overwhelmed, just take it day-by-day and only looking ahead a week at a time.

I honestly have no idea how I can do this!  I don't know how to keep things simple and to focus on exercise rather than weight loss - any tips??

Right now, my thoughts are running towards exercising in the morning - it is always there, it's always before the day actually starts, and I already have B's previous offer of getting up with me (and making me coffee) to help me by making sure I get up and ready for the gym (I'm not a morning person... lol)  I am also thinking that I might stick with doing the gym machine workout, rather than the classes.  It is something that I can always do, and something that won't depend on the gym's class timetable.  Plus, in this workout set, I can also do the learn to run program.

Speaking of running - I used an app on my phone to track the length of the oval I have been running around is actually only 275m so, I wasn't running for long enough.  On the up side, now I can make sure that my time trial is accurate :)

Also, just quickly, the end of round workout and finale party is on this weekend.  I have to admit I am nervous about keeping up, but in a way, I am excited too.  I still havent decided which dress to wear yet, but it should be a good weekend away.  I am so glad that I will have B with me - as I said before he has supported me the whole way through - I think the least I can do is get him drunk with me as a reward lol!

Anyway, so that's where I am at the moment.  If anyone is still reading this blog, I would welcome your comments and opinions :)

Owning It!

I am here, owning my confession, and telling you all.  

This morning as I packed my gym bag (for the first time in a couple of weeks!) I realised just how far off the program I have come.

Now, in the past, I would have given up weeks ago, and I honestly would have been binging on chocolate and all the yummy good (bad!!! lol) stuff by now - and especially if I had said "I have not been following the program", but the truth is overall, I honestly believe I have done well.  I haven't actually given up, it's just that life has gotten in the way over the last few weeks and a lot of the old habits have crept in; not cooking dinner, eating out a lot (although we do still try to go for healthier options!), not planning ahead, not doing the grocery shop regularly, not going to the gym/exercising (read: excuses!).

In saying all of this though, in the last couple of weeks I have:

• Quit my job
• Found a new job
• Finishing up the work at my current job
• Enrolled into uni full time for 2012
• Completely moved out of my flat
• Scrubbed my flat (this and the point above I am sure burned a lot of calories!!)
• Turned the flat into a rental properly
• Sold furniture (how hard is it to stick to an agreed time people?!)

So, it isn't like I have been sitting back, twiddling my thumbs.  In fact, on Friday I purposely cleared my calendar to have some actual me time and I got pampered!  2 whole hours at my friends new beauty business - and let me tell you, that facial was the best one I have ever had!  Even my partner commented on how relaxed I was when I got home!

In a way, I have admit that I don't feel worthy of going to Mish's end of round party and workout.  I haven't been able to stick to the program for the 12 weeks... I'm honestly not even sure if I can claim to have been on program for 6 weeks.  I stopped watching the videos weeks ago, although I think this was mostly due to forgetting about them and then having my mind focused on the above issues.

I actually love this program, it is so challenging but so rewarding.  Not even in just the weight loss sense, but the sense of accomplishment I feel after having completed a workout that Mish has given us, and then again about having been able to complete a full weeks worth of workouts! I can actually see how the program gives results, both physically and mentally.  I know that I have bitched and moaned in the past (and my boyfriend would wholeheartedly agree with me!!) but I have had fun!

I'm not sure how to get back on track from here... I suppose going back to the gym today will help, and starting to try and plan our dinners and my other meals so that we can come out in front.  I might be way off the mark here, but I did find that having it all planned out (and actually sticking to the plan) was much less stressful (and carried less guilt) when we were eating Mish's meals.

I will be trying my hardest to get back on plan now for the last 2 weeks of the program, as well as for the time between the end of this round and the start of the next round - because I will be back for Round 1, 2012.  Hopefully I will be able to sort my crap out and do a better job of it all next round, and I also hope I will have a little more time and be a little less stressed with going to uni full time and working part time.

Anyway, here I am owning it!!  I am not going away, but I have been struggling.

Over 5kg Gone!

I weighed in this morning at 91.3kg!!!  Talk about surprised!!  This means I have lost 5.2kg in total!!!

I think that while my eating was a bit off all week, all of the packing, moving, scrubbing and cleaning helped on the exercise front.  And I still need to unpack it all - so there is some more exercise!!

Speaking of exercise, you may have noticed from my lack of posts and super long to do list, that I haven't actually done any for over a week, other than the aforementioned packing, moving, scrubbing and cleaning and believe me, at the end of those days I was exhausted!!

I have been noticing lately that my body shape has been changing, so it's great that the scales are starting to reflect that too!  I have also had the last couple of days off, just to let my body not be so tense, but I will be getting back into it as of tonight when I play netball.

Anyway, that's my quick little update!  I am still here and looking forward to getting back into the planning and sticking with Mish's plan!

All or Nothing?

I have taken this week off from exercise in the hopes to actually have time to sort out my flat and get it ready to rent out.  This means moving, packing, selling furniture and then once all of that is done (at this stage it pretty much is!) I then need to clean it all out.

Anyone who knows me, knows that I am not a 'clean freak'.  Cleaning was never a priority for me, my house may not have been tidy all the time, but I was happy with that as it was generally only me who was there.  The thing that people don't know about me, is that when I am stressed out or really unhappy, I clean... and I mean clean!!  My bestie Tory could tell you all about it from when we lived together.  It has been my way of dealing with things really... I think if you did ask her though, she would tell you about the time that I went out and scrubbed the balcony... lol what can I say, it was dirty and I needed a little bit of 'cleaning-therapy'.

The thing is, that I know I am stressed out when I am looking forward to cleaning.  When I want to get down on my hands and knees and scrub the slate flooring in the flat. When I want to wash all the walls down, and when I am looking forward to washing windows. I think that this has to do with wanting to be in control or something, as I generally can't tollerate anyone helping me to do the cleaning - I need to do it on my own.  My boyfriend has never really seen me do this, and I have to say, that if it scared Tory, I can't imagine what he is going to think...

Anyway, all of these thoughts brings me back to the 12WBT.  I know that as much as I try not to (and I have tried to focus on not doing this during the last 9 weeks) I am very much an all or nothing person.  Meaning that I have to be doing it all - exercise, eating, mindset or I feel like doing nothing... or lately, I feel like I am not doing it right.  I have mentioned before that I like processes.  I like having a step by step plan, and I like sticking to that plan.  I like checklists and I like ticking off tasks that I have completed.  I enjoy completing a task well and I love the sense of accomplishment that comes with it...

This week, I don't have a sense of accomplishment - I haven't followed any of Mish's plans.  I haven't eaten right (it hasn't been bad, but it hasn't been great), I haven't exercised and my mindset is out the window.  Last night I wanted to binge... I didn't even care what on.  It could have been fish and chips (or dim sims!), chocolate, ice cream, baked goods.  I didn't care!  Well, I didn't want to care, but deep down I knew that this kind of self sabotage wouldn't help me... so I didn't.  This made me realise that while I haven't stuck to the plans, something must have stuck, because I still  haven't had a major blow out or binge.  I have wanted to.  I have wanted to just not care and to just eat, but something has always pulled me back where I have decided against it at the last minute.

Yesterday was also weigh in day and combine the 600g gain with PMS and stress and you get one messed up girl who is crying in her boyfriend's arms by the end of the night.  With so many things on my plate, I am finding it really hard to think about the 12WBT.  I keep thinking that it's ok because once things are all sorted, that I will be straight back into it... but then there is this other little voice telling me that I should be able to work this program into my life as this is a forever deal, and I should just be able to make it work...

I can't even begin to explain how excited I am about going into part time work.  The thought that some day soon I will be able to get through everything (work, uni, exercise, etc).  I mentioned this on a uni forum the other day when discussing the prospect of taking on a subject over the summer, and one of the first replies I had back was a "well i have this, this and this in my life so if I can do it then you should too/I have more in my day - what are you complaining about?!" kind of posts.  Why do people feel the need to do that!?  I think I compare myself to others enough without someone else adding to it.

Anyway... I guess the point to all of this is that I am still here, but not so focussed... Will be trying to get back into it all as of next week - hopefully I will have the flat completely sorted by the end of the weekend :)

Crazy, Crazy Week!

Where has all of my time gone??  I seem to be packing as much as I possibly can into my days lately, and I am already feeling the strain!  I need to get a few things off my to-do list to be able to get things under control, at this point I feel like I have 50 things trying to get my attention, and I have to say there is only so much that I can do.

In saying all of that, I have actually made it to the gym 6 days last week, and sadly, I know I won't do it this week.  To help remove some of the strain in my life at the moment, I have decided to focus on getting my flat ready to rent.  This means moving the last of my stuff out (at this stage I am not even bothering with cleaning out as I go unless it is something really obvious) and cleaning.  Then I need to organise insurances, fire alarm testing and signing off the paperwork for the property manager.  I would really like to get all of this done this week.  Aside from just trying to get something off my to do list, it is also a bit of a necessity as I quit my job!!! 

I am going from full time work/part time study to part time work/full time study.  I can't even begin to explain how excited I am about this!!  The last year or more I have been feeling so unhappy with my life, or how my time was spent to be more exact.  I felt like I was losing myself and just couldn't seem to settle.  I felt as though I was constantly on the go and couldn't fit everything in.  Lucky for me I have a very supportive boyfriend who wants to see me succeed and to be happy.

Now, a little more on my actual 12WBT journey!

Let's see... this last week I have had my weekly weigh in, my Week 8 fitness test and my Week 8 milestone!

So, my weigh in was as follows

Week 8
Wednesday 2 November

		Change	Total Loss
Weight:	91.6kg	-1.1kg	-4.9kg
Arms: (ea)	28.5cm	-1cm	-1cm
Bust:	108.5cm	-2cm	-5.5cm
Waist:	118cm	-1cm	-5.5cm
Hips:	118.5cm	-1.5cm	-6cm
R Thigh:	54cm	-2cm	-4.5cm
L Thigh:	54cm	-2cm	-4.5cm
Totals:		-10.5cm	28cm

I didn't actually realise until now that I have only lost 1.1kg in 4 weeks.  To say I am disappointed in myself is an understatement.  It seems quite dismal.  I will confess and tell you all that I haven't been sticking to the program 100%.  We aren't very organised when it comes to grocery shopping or planning meals or getting it all sorted.  We were in the beginning, but I think since we stopped following Mish's plan exactly and since the fridge died.  All excuses, I know, but right now my mind isn't into the whole planning side of this... I just need to get a few things out of the way first.

I also did my Week 8 Fitness Test and can I just say that I am gobsmacked at how much I have improved!!!  I actually did the tests a bit all over the place by doing them on different days, but I don't think it matters much.

My 1km time trial was simply amazing!  We did have to change the location as the oval we were using no longer had any lines marked, but we managed to find an even better one!  The best thing is - I did the 1km in 4 minutes 34 seconds!!!  Thats 2 mins 17secs off my time 4 weeks ago and 2 minutes 42 seconds faster since I started the 12WBT.  I even ran almost the entire time!  I didn't run for about 1/4 of a lap (so about 100m).

I also smashed my wall sit!!  Last time I lasted 26 seconds, this time I made it to  1 minute 5 seconds!!!

I managed to do 42 push ups compared to 4 weeks ago where I did 31 pushups.

My sit & reach was also smashed where I was able to reach 5cm more. 

And finally, I have made it to a Level 1  in the sit up test!!!!!  It was so excited!! I promise - there was cheering and squealing in the house that night!!

Now, my Week 8 Milestone was to go paddle boating!! and OMG!!  It is hard!!  I have had bad knees in the past and had a lower back injury as well, so maybe I didn't think this one through that well... We only did half an hour, and I am so glad that we only did that!! It wasn't long before my knees were so sore!!  I think it was

more joint sore than muscle sore - which isn't good.  However, in saying that, it was a great day out on the lake!  Even managed to take a couple of photos! Sorry mine is a little dark and you can't really see my face lol  I was worried about getting sunburned! lol The photo of my partner turned out much better!

First Fun Run: Completed

I can't believe I am typing this, but I actually completed a fun run!!  I honestly never thought I would ever do a fun run, even to walk one.  I am not a runner, I don't enjoy cardio, but I am a competitive kind of person and I do enjoy achieving goals.

This morning I was up at stupid o'clock to be up and ready to start the 4km race at 8am. Well, it was stupid o'clock for a Sunday morning at least!!  I even got to wear my Canberra Crew "Capital Punishment" shirt that I picked up yesterday!!  There were a couple of us there wearing them.  It was actually really awesome knowing that I am part of the Canberra 12WBT team and that there were others there doing it as well!  I even met a couple of other people who were doing the program, but not wearing the shirts - talk about being part of an awesome program with awesome people!!

Carrie and I caught up with one of our friends (Bec) who was doing the run with us that we know through knitting and her mum.  I can't express how awesome it is doing something like this with friends by your side and having that sense of 'team' right from the start.

We all crossed the start line together, running!!  I am not very fit, and I am not that great at running, but I am so proud to say that not only did I run for a bit at the beginning, but I also ran 3 more times during the race!!!  I even managed to get my heart rate up to 183bpm!!!  As the race progressed, we all got separated except for Carrie and I, as we decided to do it together.  It was actually really great doing it together as Carrie was able to push me a little further (and able to get me to run more, and further!).  I'm not sure how much I helped her, but I am so grateful to be doing it with her as I know that we help each other out and keep each other focussed and motivated.

Carrie and I completed the race at approximately 36 minutes (we will get the actual times later tonight), which I think is awesome!! 4km in 36 minutes!!! It was just so great to know that I finished it and I completed it!!!  Not only that, but I finished the race running!!!!!  And boy oh boy - it hurt!!! In that time I burned 557 calories!!!  I was so shocked when that came up on my HRM!!  I honestly wasn't expecting to burn that many in such a short time - looks like running really does burn the calories!!!

UPDATED: My official time was 0:36:35.8 which made me 64th out of 74 runners overall, 10th out of the 11 in my age division and 50th out of 58 women

And just to show you all, these are the back of our Capital Punishment shirts! Love them!!

Things I want to do...

I have just had a sudden realisation... I keep putting things off!

While I love to plan and I love being organised, I never seem to get myself sorted to the point that I can achieve a long standing wish/goal.  Examples: Europe, I have now been, but I could never save the money to get going (thanks ANZ for the loan! lol); weightloss - it took me 4 years to lose 20kilos and 4 months to put it all back on again; and now I have come to realise that there are 2 more things I can add to that list...

1. Bellydancing

In 2007 I took up bellydancing.  I did it for about 3 terms and I loved it!  I stopped because our teacher got sick, and then I could never find a class in my area again.  I found a dance school that has bought it into their curriculum about a year ago, but somehow, I have just never gotten my butt into gear (or my budget) and signed up!  There are actually a few people I know who would be interested as well, and for something that I used to have so much fun doing, why on earth can I not get it sorted?

2. Swimming

For the last 4 or more years, I have had a goal to learn to swim properly... and I still haven't committed to doing it!  Those of you who don't know me IRL, wouldn't know that I have a fear of the water.  I am scared to put my head under the water and I get really panicky when it is (even with goggles on - they make me a little less afraid) and struggle to breath.  This is something that I have wanted to conquer for a so long, yet I can't seem to just sign up!  I don't know if its because I am afraid to be seen in public, the fear of the water or just the fact that I am not a confident swimmer has held me back (as well as the poor budgeting skills yet again! lol)  I honestly feel that swimming is such an important skill to know and I have always vowed that my children (when I have them!) will learn how to be confident in the water.  While I know enough to save my life (hopefully!) if needed, I need to learn the right movements and just get them all working together...  Plus it would be another excellent workout!

I think that I am going to have to make it my mission to complete this next year (not technically putting it off as both terms have already started - and I need to raise the funds lol).  I really miss belly dancing, it's so much fun and a great laugh! I would love to be able to swim laps, and not be afraid of how I look and feel in the water.

Burning those Calories!!

Guess what guys?? Every time I have exercised this week (except once) I have burned over the elusive 500 calories!!! I have even burned over 600 calories a couple of times too!!  How about that!!!

Since my last post, I have exercised when I could.  The only day I didn't was Tuesday and that was due to having to re-home my kitties.  On Wednesday, I did my first pump class in about 3 weeks!  I lowered my weights back to just 5kg (2.5kg each side) but to be honest, I found it a little too easy, so will bump it back up for my next class.  On Wednesday I only burned 375 calories, but I think this is to be expected for a weights class.  Last night there weren't any classes on that Carrie and I wanted/could do, so we followed Mish's gym machine program.  It was actually the first time we have ever fully completed one!!  We did the ab exercises and then the stretches after the cardio machines.  Now, I am not usually a sweater, but when I was on the bike, I felt like I had sweat pouring out of me!!  I managed to burn 601 calories!!! Crazy stuff!!!  It was great though because while I was doing the learn to run portion, I realised that I have come so far since the first one I ever did and as of the next time I do it, I am committing to ramp it up and do the next level!!  It's good to know that while i have been sick, I didn't lose all my fitness!!

Tonight we are planning on doing another Active class, and then tomorrow we will head out to Lake Burley Griffin and do a workout with the Capital Punishment group - we even get to pick up our Capital Punishment tops!! YAY!!! I really can't wait to see them and to be able to wear them. I already have plans to wear my top on Sunday when I do my first fun run!!!

I have to admit that now that the fun run is getting closer, that I am actually really unsure about it all.  I know that I will be walking to majority of it, but is this ok??  Am I supposed to be running it?? I thought it would be a good way to ease myself into this kind of scene, but I have to admit the nerves are starting to set in now!!

Another confession that I have to make is that I have gone a little off the rails in regards to food.  Nothing major, I just haven't been planning, and have had to buy my lunch a few times and we hadn't done our grocery shop so we ate out a couple of nights.  Yesterday I did a rather large online grocery shop, so as of tonight we will have lots of delicious healthy foods all ready to go for the coming week!  I can't wait to try out a few more of Mish's recipes!

Just quickly, I was doing a bit of a tally in my head of calories I have burned this week, and what activities I have done:

• Saturday - 4 week Milestone Bushwalk - burned 500 calories
• Sunday - Walk for Diabetes - burned 673 calories
• Monday - Group Active Class - burned 514 calories
• Tuesday - rest day
• Wednesday - Group Power Class (pump) - burned 375 calories
• Thursday - Mish's Gym Machine Workout  - burned 601 calories  

And coming up I have:

• Friday - Group Active Class
• Saturday - Capital Punishment Circuit Workout
• Sunday - My first ever Fum Run (4km)

This means that in the last 6 days I have burned a total of 2663 calories!!!! Not bad considering my goal was 400 calories a day! Which means that after my workout tonight, I would have smashed that for the week!!!  First time ever!!!

Oh, and the finale details have been released, so B has said that he would like to come up too, so that's awesome!! Poor guy has had to deal with me doing the 12WBT, eating the same foods and dealing with me being so up and down - will be good for him to be able to celebrate the end of the round too!! lol  I just need to organise accommodation and tickets and stuff, but it should be awesome!!  I have to admit, I am terrified of the workout!! haha!!  I don't think I will be able to keep up with everyone!!!

OMG! So Excited!

So, this morning I weighed in as usual and I have gained 700g.  However I am not too concerned about this as I will admit that I did have pizza this week, and as I mentioned in an earlier post, it has been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster of a week.  Also I noticed that this was the week last month that I gained, so looks like there could be a pattern.  

The reason why I am so excited, is that this morning I was reading through Mish's weekly email where she talks about weighing in and the upcoming videos.  There is also a mention of a post in the forums in the last week, and this week she chose mine!!! OMG!!!!  I am just so stoked!!!!  I am very much a person who craves recognition (anyone ever read about the 5 love languages? lol) so this has just made me feel like I am floating!  

This is what Mish wrote:

"Well done whirlsie - you're still with us! And yes! you most certainly should be congratulating yourself and not the other way around - it certainly pays to stop and reflect because as you have shown yourself you are not a quitter and have turned a difficult patch into a positive, with great results too! Way to go whirlsie!"

The link above refers to my post in the forums, but for those of you who aren't 12WBTers, this is what I wrote:

I Am Still Here!

"I did consider putting this post into the Confessions area, but I have decided that this is more of an "I did it!" post.

Over the last couple of weeks I have struggled with what I have been able to do when it comes to exercise (those of you following my blog would have noticed an outpouring of negative posts). I have felt down and felt like I was failing. Why? Because I hadn't been able to reach the 500 calorie mark when exercising, and because I have been sick so much of the last 6 weeks that I haven't been able to exercise. I am so far behind in Mish's workouts that I feel like I almost need to start back at the beginning. The last time I was at the gym I actually almost passed out because my body couldn't take being sick and working out lol! I have put my body first over the last couple of weeks in the hopes of getting better finally and not getting sick again (I think 3 times in one season is enough! lol)

But then over the last couple of days I have realised, "You know what?! I am still here! I still haven't binged, I haven't gone out of my way to eat unhealthily, I haven't let myself down when it comes to food." I have lost weight every week except for one (where I only put on 200g anyway) and I have now lot 4.8kg - which is nothing to sneeze at!

My goals have changed since I first started and have now become a bit more realistic, and the thing is, I might not be losing weight as fast as others, and I may not have been able to exercise as much and I may be falling 'behind' - but I am still here!! I am still trying! My motivation may have waned, but I have not given up!

I haven't done my 4 week milestone (first weekend it rained, and it wouldn't have been safe. Last weekend I was too sick to get out of bed!) but not only am I determined to do it this weekend, but I have also signed up to do a 5.5km walk for a cure for diabetes! (http://walk.jdrf.org.au/teamParticipant.asp?par...) I think this is a great way to get me back into the swing of things and will be a great chance to do something before my first fun run/walk on the 30 October"."

Followed by this post:

"Well, I did the walk and the bushwalk!

It felt so great to be able to do my 4 week milestone!!! I put a picture below of me at the walk signage

The walk for diabetes was great! there were so many people there. We were able to set ourselves a steady brisk walk and managed to do the 5.5km in 55 minutes!!! so proud of that!! By the time I got back to the car I had burned 673 calories!!!"

I have to say that I feel like I am on top of the world now! Having Mish mention me has made me want to try harder!  Talk about great motivation & encouragement!

It's back!!

I am very happy to come here and report that it seems like my exercise mojo is back!  And I am so glad!!!

Last night Carrie and I did an Active class and it was great!! (although I have to admit I was feeling some hatred towards the class during the step portion of it! lol)  Afterwards I felt much better and I think its because I actually had 3 days straight of exercising.

Last night was a bit of an emotional rollercoaster where I wanted to get in on the whole emotional eating like there was no tomorrow, but other than that, I feel great!  My body just feels so much more alive and better.  It is hard to explain, while I am tired, it seems as though I am more awake.

Anyway, for the third day in a row, I managed to burn over 500 calories again!!  I haven't been able to do that since the start of the program!!  So last night I burned 514 calories!!! WOOT!

Also, I forgot to mention, that on Friday night I found my 12WBT finale dress!!!  I have actually done something strange and bought a larger dress!!  I am hoping that by buying a larger one, it won't hug my hips so much... while my sister, Carrie and B love it... I do have to admit that when I look at myself in the mirror, I can only see all of the negative aspects of the dress... I never feel pretty in a dress, I always feel like a frump - and I think it's because of my hips! lol!!

Hopefully I will get some self confidence in regards to the dress by the time the party comes around :D The details should be released today and I can't wait!!

Walk for a Cure for Diabetes

Today I did the 5.5km walk for diabetes.  I am so happy with how well Carrie and I did!  We managed to walk the full course at a steady, brisk pace and finish it in 55 minutes!!!  We thought it would take us an hour and a half to two hours to complete!!  By the time I got back to the car I had burned 673 calories!!!  I can't believe it!! that's two days in a row of burning 500 calories or more - a first while I have been doing this program.

I was surprised how fast I was able to walk and for how long before I started to feel it in my legs.  I got probably 3/4 of the way around before I started feeling it in my hamstrings.

I also managed to raise $220 for juvenile diabetes - definitely a good cause, and a great motivator to make sure I completed the walk. Below is a pic of the people walking around the lake, you can see that there are people all the way around.

Week 4 Milestone: Complete!

I realise it is a late blog post, but I just wanted to come in and let you all know that I completed my Week 4 Milestone today - a bushwalk at one of the National Parks here. I am only 2 weeks late, but I think it's still good that I have done it! My partner was going to do it with me, but with him being away this weekend, and the weather being good, and me finally feeling well enough to do it, I just wanted to get it done! So, I called in the help of my friend and fellow 12wbter, Carrie. Originally my goal was to do the Devils Gap 6km walk which was quite steep, but we changed our minds, and it was a good thing we did!!! We ended up doing the Cascade walk which was 2km, and the steep parts in that had us buggered!!

When we went to do the walk, we wanted to do the Cascade trail as well as the Lyrebird add on, however our careful map reading skills and excellent sense in direction meant that we missed the turn off! But we did actually go into the koala enclosure on our way home and had a wander around in there too. I love being out in nature,especially the forrest. I have always had a bit of an affinity to the forest as opposed to any other ecosystem. As soon as we were out in the bush, we could hear so many different birds, and as we walked along we could hear the lizards scurrying away from the path to hide. We did see a few lizards, a butterfly and even (what we think was) a numbat as well as a gorgeous koala. There were little waterfalls and creeks along the way and there were a few times that we were out of breath and struggling a little as we made our way long.  There were some really nice views, gorgeous flowers and amazing trees - including a tree stump that was continuing to grow!!  Refusing to give up I suppose!!  We even bought along lunch and bottles of water, and we stopped on one of the bridges near a waterfall/creek to eat and have a small break.

It was so refreshing to get out of a normal routine, to go somewhere different and to challenge ourselves with something new.  Carrie and I discussed where we both were in our 12wbt journey, how we are feeling now compared to when we started and what we want to achieve by the end.  It's only been 6 weeks, and we are now half way, but so much has changed.  For me personally, I have found that I don't have the same excitement as when I first started, although in saying that somehow something has managed to stick where I haven't given up, I am just trying to plod along and do what I can while at the same time I have lost all motivation.  I still want to complete the round and lose as much as I can, and I am planning on signing up for another round, but I do miss the excitement of starting something new and having all of my hopes encouraging me along.

By doing the 2 walks of about 2.7km, we exercised for an hour and a half and burned almost 500 calories!!!  I am very happy with that!  I did take photos on my way around - I hope you enjoy the slide show I put together for you!  I had better get to bed now, I have to be up early to do the walk for diabetes tomorrow!!  Will post an update about it next :D

Blogger Challenge: I'm All Kinds Of AWESOME!

The next blogging challenge is up, and this one is All Kinds Of AWESOME.

The point of this post, is to tell you exactly how awesome I am - and I think in most cases, for me to see that too!

In most cases, we 12wbters look only to be skinny, and sometime throw around words like healthy and fit.  As Kath said, it's not all about being skinny that makes you awesome.

So, what is it about me that makes me AWESOME?! What do I love about myself and appreciate?

• I can knit!  And I love it! I love making things and seeing how they come together.  I love that I can pick up a pattern and understand it.
• I can sew! well, kinda - I'm learning, but I can do it!
• I am a planner! lol  not sure why this makes me awesome, but I love it!  I love to plan and have things organised, or at least have a direction in which I am going.
• I am generally a pretty bubbly person and tend to make friends easily
• I try to help people out where I can and try to offer support

That's all I can think of now really... although according to the boyfriend "your extreme awesomeness makes u awesome" - Thanks B lol!

Week 6 Weigh In

Yesterday I posted that I would be happy for a loss... any loss, I just didn't want to gain.  Well, this morning I weighed in at 91.7kg!!  That means I lost 800g!! 

I can't believe it!!!

I have been thinking a lot lately about how I have been going with the whole program.  Yes, I know that I haven't been able to exercise as much as I should have or would have liked.  Yes, I know that my eating hasn't been 100% spot on. But you know what?  I haven't binged... at all!!  I haven't gone out of my way to eat foods I shouldn't have.  I haven't caved in when I really wanted chocolate *cough* last night *cough*. And I have just plodded along, just getting on with it all and trying as best as I am able on that particular day.  I think overall, my mindset has actually been a lot stronger than I have given it credit for, especially when it has come to food.

I think that counts as a WIN!! 

It's been over a week since my last post...

Yep... I have been a bit slack haven't I?!

Well, I have had a bit of a rough week overall.  I have been sick (again!!) and I tried going to the gym last week and almost passed out.  So, I took that as a very loud and clear sign from my body that it needed rest.  So, this last week I haven't done any exercise other than incidental stuff.  

I have been trying not to feel too guilty about it.  In fact, I think I have been trying not to feel too guilty about the fact that I am loving not doing exercise.  I am one of those people who does exercise because I have to, not because I enjoy it.  I have taken a few extra days off from exercising as I am still sick, and I have been wondering if I have been pushing it all a bit too much and going back to the gym earlier than I should be.  However, I am now taking a multi-vitamin so I hope that will help, because I don't think I can take being sick again!!

Now, as I have been sick, I still haven't done my bush walk.  I can't believe it!! Something I was so excited about and I haven't been able to do it!! On the weekend, I struggled to move, so I know that I wasn't being lazy about it all.  I am the kind of person who likes to do things when and how they are supposed to be done.  So, with it now being week 6 and I still haven't done something from week 4, it is really getting to me.  This is one of those things that makes me feel like I am failing as I am falling behind and I can't seem to 'keep up'.

In saying that, I have done something which is definitely pushing my  comfort zone.  I have signed up to Walk for a Cure for Diabetes this weekend!  It is a 5.5km walk which I will be doing with some friends.  This is a free walk (for anyone who is interested in doing it near where you live), however they do ask for you to help with donations.  So, in honour of this, if you are able to spare a couple of dollars, I would appreciate your sponsorship.  In saying this, I have no intention of hounding people, I just thought I would do my bit.

In addition to doing this walk, I have officially signed up to do the Brooks Spring into Shape Series on the 30th October (so 2 weekends in a row!! crazy!) which is a 4km run/walk.  I have to say that I think I will be doing a lot more walking than running, especially if my body is still worn out, but I will complete it anyway, even if it is only at a brisk walk.

Hmmmmm..... what else...  Food wise I have most definitely been over my 1200 calorie allowance this week.  But I haven't been binging or having anything naughty, I have only probably exceeded my calories via cups of coffee! lol

Oh and I also had my weigh in last Wednesday and I lost 200g.  I don't think I will have a fantastic result this week.  But I am hoping to have at least lost some weight... We will see tomorrow morning.

Ok, well, that's it for now.  Will blog tomorrow with my weigh in result.  I really need to get my 12wbt mojo back!

Blogger Challenge: Motivation

This weeks blogger challenge is on motivation:


1. Describe in 25 words or less the you that you were before 12wbt
I was the person who had lost 20kg in the past over 4 years, but had managed to put almost all of it back on within a few months, something I had vowed never to do again.  All of those old habits crept back into my life after a big (but great!) change.

2. Now - who are you now??

I am now back to the person I was, trying to lose weight healthily, and trying to build up healthy habits to become the healthiest version of me.

3. What has the hardest been the hardest thing to make habit THIS ROUND?
Exercise!  I find it so hard to find the motivation and drive.

4. What has been easier to make habit than you thought it would be?
Eating. The food has been excellent, and other than the first couple of days, I haven't really found myself craving sweet foods.  While I might walk past the bakery and comment, I don't necessarily want the foods.... well, I might want them, but I recognise that I don't need them.

5. How has your body changed THIS ROUND?
So far, I haven't seen any major changes, but overall I don't feel as tired.

6. How has your mindset changed this round?
Right now I am in a bit of a funk, so I am struggling, but I am trying to keep pressing on, which is probably a change in my mindset as before I would have given up earlier.

7. Finish this sentence "I now know I am strong because ..."
I just did 31 push ups in a minute!! lol!!

8. Finish this sentence "I am proudest of ...."
The fact that I am still trying to make this work even though all I want to do is eat caramel tarts (although that could be the hormones talking lol). I am also proud that while I have struggled with exercise, that I am still trying to make it work even though I feel like I am behind everyone else.

9. Finish this sentence "In 8 more weeks you will see me ...."
Still here, slogging it out and making it work!  I will be slimmer, healthier and happier.

10. What word applies to you now - that you never would have used before 12wbt?
Oh gosh! lol!  I have no idea... I would say stubborn, but I would have used that before the 12wbt... hmmmmm maybe "fun-runner" as I am about to do one and I never, ever thought I would!

Week 5

Today is the start of week 5!  I am trying to get myself motivated again, which is where I think the mini-milestone bush walk would have helped, however due to weather, we didn't get to go.  I have 'rescheduled' it for this coming Saturday, so I am hoping that the weather will be ok to us this time.  I am a little disappointed that we couldn't go, but I have also managed to get sick again, so to be fair, I probably wouldn't have been able to do much anyway or been able to get much out of it as I was so tired all of yesterday.

However, on Friday and Saturday nights I did complete my next fitness test to see how much I have improved.  Overall I am really happy with what I have managed to accomplish, considering I have struggled with the exercise portion and being sick so much.

First off, I did the 1km run and I managed to do it in 6 minutes and 51 seconds, 30 seconds better than 4 weeks ago. I have to admit, that I was a little disapointed, but considering that I hadn't really been running for long (probably 2-3 weeks) that's pretty good.  And when you are running, 30 seconds is a long time!  Also, I think that getting sick had an impact on this, and I think I walked a bit more than I did the first time.

Last time around I was able to do 23 push ups on my knees, on Saturday night, I smashed out 31 push ups!!!  That was really exciting!!!

I am also really happy with my wall sit, as I doubled my last result and I was able to sit there for 26 seconds!!!! I didn't think I would be able to do much more than my previous results of 13 seconds, so I am happy with that!

As expected, my abs test wasn't that great, and I am still at level 0 however, in saying that, I could tell that I had improved and I was able to get a little more movement, I just need to start doing more ab exercises.

The flexibility test was a pretty big break through! I was able to touch my toes!!  Which means that my result was 0!!  That is a 4cm improvement!!!

Overall, I have had some great results!! and I love that we are tracking them so that I can see them.  I wonder what my week 8 results will be like!!  The weekly surprise was updating my stats page with the above results as well as my measurements.

Readjusting Goals

Well, I'm feeling a little more together now, so I thought I would take a quick look at my goals, and readjusting them as needed.

1 month goals (Week 4)

1. Lose 6 kg
   Didn't reach this goal - however I did lose 3.8kg! Almost 1kg a week!
2. Stay on plan with food and exercise
   I am going to count this as a tick.  I didn't binge or have a massive blow out.  Sometimes I might not have eaten according to Mish's plans, but I tried hard to stay within calories.
3. Start exercising in the mornings
   Nope - this didn't happen at all... unless you count Saturday mornings before Stitch and Bitch.... hmmmm well, maybe I will count that as a tick then...
4. Do more core exercises - don't be afraid!
   Hmmmmm.... I am still afraid!!! I do try to do them more than I ever did during classes, but I don't think this is enough
5. Try new classes (like boxing)
   Tried boxing, Active, Groove, Power and Centergy.  Not a big fan of boxing, but that's only because I'm not quite fit enough for it lol
6.  Go on a hike in a National Park
   Doing this on the weekend!!! I am actually really excited about it!! Hope it doesn't rain!  This will be happening at the very end of Week 4, so still in the timeframe.  Can't wait to blog about it!

** NEW GOALS**

1 month goals (Week 8)

1. Lose 4 kg - stick with the goal of 1 kg a week
2. Stay on plan with food and exercise and plan out our meals in advance
3. Go paddle boating on Lake Burley Griffin
4. Look into the core exercises and how they are done.  Come up with a plan to do them at home as well. Use the fitball to help (pump up the one at home)
5. Try to get to the gym more often - I have had too many sick days (genuine, but still)
6. Start taking a multi-vitimin so you aren't so sick all the time
7. Find a new job so I'm not so stressed - this does have an impact on the 12WBT
8. Do the fun run at the end of October
9. Run 1km without stopping
10. Burn off 11,200 calories in 4 weeks.  (That is 400 calories per day - I think I will build up to the 500, and this will stop putting pressure on me)
11. Lose another 17cm from my measurements

3 Months (Week 12)

1. Lose 12 kg (ticker updated)
2. Run 3km without stopping
3. Fit into my work uniform
4. Burn 28,000 calories (ticker updated)
5. Lose 50cm total from my measurements
6. Have a waist measurement of under 100cm
7. Up my weights in pump class to 3.75kg for upper body and 5kg for lower body
8. Have a stronger core and be able to do the plank on my toes.

Feel like wallowing and diving into a river of melted chocolate

hmmmm..... melted chocolate.... thats a really great visual....

Anyway, on to the reason for my post.  I am so sad and upset today.  I really dont want to type it all out again, so in lazy fashion, I am going to just pop a link in here to my other blog.

Since I let all of this out this morning, I have been struggling to hold back the tears (so not a good look at work I can tell you that!) and all I want to do is wallow.  The only time food really popped into my head was about 15 minutes ago when I was in McDonald's picking up a coffee for morning tea - however I was quite strong about it, and walked out with only my skim latte.  Then it got me thinking, what do I really feel like?  What do I really want to wallow in??  One thought I did have was that I just want to run and run and run... not that I physically can lol, but I think I just wanted to wear myself out and feel like I have some kind of control over something in my life.  The other thought I had was that what I really want to be doing is curled up at home, with my blanket and I just want to knit and zone everything out.  Knitting and crafts are my relaxation.  It is like meditation for me where I can just churn through the thoughts in my head with no emotion and just completely relaxed.  With the weather being as overcast as it is atm, it is perfect knitting weather where I can just shut everything out.  (In case you haven't noticed, I am a bit fan of denial lol)

After reading Tracey's post this morning, it made me think that I should revisit my goals as well as I think this is a great idea.  However, I am feeling too much like a failure today and too mopey to be able to give it a proper, positive go as I will only be looking at everything that I didn't achieve, so I might do a little knitting at lunch time, and if that cheers me up a little, have a go at looking at my goals and trying to set some more.

Weigh In!

Good Morning all!!

My wishes were answered this morning when I jumped on the scales to find a 1.5kg loss!! WOOT WOOT!!! this brings me to 3.8kg loss in 4 weeks.  Not quite 4 in 4, but close enough!!!  I had set my first goal to be for me to lose 6kg in 4 weeks, so clearly I was over estimating my body's willingness to lose the weight, so later on today I will be going through my goals and readjusting them to be a little more realistic.

I also did my measurements last night, and I am happy to tell you all that in 4 weeks I have lost 17.5cm from my body!  (I forgot to measure my arms, so will update that tonight).

Week 4
Wednesday 5 October

		Change	Total Loss
Weight:	92.7kg	-3.8kg	-3.8kg
Arms:	29.5cm	0cm	0cm
Bust:	110.5cm	-3.5cm	-1.5cm
Waist:	119cm	-4.5cm	-4.5cm
Hips:	120cm	-4.5cm	-4.5cm
R Thigh:	56cm	-2.5cm	-2.5cm
L Thigh:	56cm	-2.5cm	-2.5cm
Totals:		-17.5cm	-17.5cm

 It's so great to see it all laid out like that, as I was saying to B last night, the truth is, I really don't mind what I weigh, I just want to be trimmer, which is where the measurements come in.  I wasn't sure if 17.5cm in a month was that good, but when we put it into comparison with my goal of losing 50cm, losing 17.5cm makes me at 35% of my goal, and we are only 33% of the way through the program, so I think I am doing really well so far!!

Last night I couldn't make it to pump.  And, my 'excuse' was one of my "Outside of my Control" ones - Migraines!  I can't do anything when I have a migraine, with some of the bad ones, I struggle to speak properly, so there is no way I would be coordinated enough for any form of exercise.  The only other problem is that I also have the next day as an "after affect" day (today), where my brain is still fuzzy and if I move my head slightly then it feels like my brain has slammed into the side of my head.  So without making today an additional excuse and writing it off totally, I have decided that I wont go to the gym, however I will try to walk on the treadmill tonight.  It won't be much, but it will be something.

I am really looking forward to the bush walk mini milestone this weekend, I just really hope that the weather is OK for it.  I am also curious to see how I go in my next fitness test, so that has been scheduled for Saturday morning before Stitch and Bitch.  It will be interesting to see how things have changed, as I really wasn't expecting such big numbers off my measurements, so hopefully I will get some surprising (good surprising that is!) results from the fitness test.

Blogger Challenge: Find the Joy

This week's blogger challenge was to "Find the Joy" - or, what (other than food) brings me joy?  So, here is my list (in no particular order - just as they pop into my head):

1. Hanging out with my boyfriend
2. Crafting - knitting, crocheting, cross stitch, etc
3. Finishing a project
4. Those amazing "alive" days - where the sun is shining, the window is down, the music is great and all you can think of is how much you are loving the moment
5. Watching a good movie
6. Catching up with my friends
7. Catching up with my brother, sister and Dad
8. Bubble baths
9. Warm socks
10. Curling up on the lounge with a doona during the rain
11. The smell of rain
12. Being organised and planning (mostly because it means I'm not stressing)
13. Travel - I miss it so much!!!
14. The Aussie Bush - love the smells and sounds (hence my 4 week mile stone is a bush walk)
15. Coffee!!! Oh wait - is that food?? lol I call it a way of life!! lol!! I really don't see it as a food product....

Week 4

Today is the start of week 4!  That means that this week, I have my:

• Fitness Test
• Mini Milesone
• Measurements
• Weigh in

I honestly have mixed emotions about it all.  On one hand, I am quite excited about seeing my progress, seeing how my fitness has changed, how my body has changed and also to see how I go about doing my mini milestone this weekend. On the other hand, I am petrified that I won't see any results, that I haven't worked hard enough and I won't have improved on anything. I really do want to see results, as you can tell from my melt down last week (last post - thank you to everyone who checked up on me :) Much appreciated!).  I really hope that I have done enough to improve on my time for the 1km run!

As it was a long weekend, and full of activities, overall, I am quite happy with my food choices.  I do have to admit that there was a lot of takeaway involved, but I tried to make the best choices possible.  For example, I tried Wok Me, and managed to make a great choice with the Kuai Tiau.  Now, I am only wishing they had this shop in town. There is a similar place (which we had yesterday) but I think they use more oil, although overall quite healthy.  It has made me want to try cooking my own, although I have never used a wok before, or made anything like this, so looks like I will be recipe surfing.  On Sunday night, we also had pizza, but I did my research before hand and found out which was the pizza with the least calories and worked out how many slices I could have without going over my calorie budget.  I think that we have been eating out so much, simply because of the fridge situation.  I am really struggling with not having the fridge in the kitchen and not being able to plan ahead properly.  However, I am really hoping this will be sorted in the next couple of days.

On Saturday, I had my first SSS (Super Saturday Session) where I am supposed to burn 1000 calories.  I had planned that before I went to stitch and bitch that I would get up earlier (as mentioned in a previous post) and do an extra bit of cardio and then jump into my Centergy class that I should come close to burning the 1000 calories.  However, my calculations were a little off, and I only burned 731.  I am trying to not look at this as another failure, but rather as a "now I know I need to burn more before my class" and "it's still the most you have burned in a single session to date".  I did burn 350 calories before the class started, and then 381 in the class (which, believe it or not is less than I burned in the Centergy class the week before!).


I am also really excited I love my coffee... that love has been increased in the new love of my life, the Saeco Exprelia!!!!

We picked it up on Sunday, and I am just so in love with it!!  This is my ultimate coffee machine!  At one touch of a button, it does everything! It froths the milk, adds the coffee and cleans itself!  The only thing I need to do is add the sugar!  It can even do hot chocolate and use pre-ground coffee and I can even adjust it so that it can make my coffee in my travel mug!!

WINNING!!

You can see more about it here.

Also, I used to measure out the milk before I frothed it on my old coffee machine, and this one actually uses a slightly bit less, so I am doing even better calorie wise!!!

Feeling down...

*warning - negative post*

I feel so incredibly sad and just unmotivated over the last few days.  I feel so completely out of control, not as in crazy out of control, but more as in I have no control.  Anyone who knows me, would tell you that I love to feel like I have control.

I started this blog so that I could get everything out there, and for those people who are looking at doing the 12WBT to be able to see what it is like, because as a planner, I know that I read up on the program before I started it. So, here comes the heartfelt pity post.

Right now, in my life, I feel like there is nothing that I control.  I feel like a lot of decisions are made for me and I feel as though I am fading away.  There are things that I don't want to have control of, but I feel as though if I don't do it, then no one else will.   My life seems to be upside down at the moment and I am floating around in the abyss somewhere.

To be honest with you, tomorrow I will probably look back on this post and wonder where all this was coming from, but right now, I need to rant... well, more like I need to cry and not be the strong person.

We have our week 4 milestone coming up, and the truth is, I don't feel like I deserve to do it. I haven't lost that much weight, I haven't been to the gym as much as I should have (even though I tell myself that I was quite sick for a week) and even when I do workout, I seem to not have the motivation to hit the 500 calorie mark.  I feel like a failure.  I haven't been eating Michelle's food plan as she has laid out, as I don't want to vary the breakfasts and I have been having the left overs for the dinners for lunch.  All in all though, I have tried to stick with the 1200 calories per day.

This week I set myself the goal of working out for the 6 days, and while so far I have worked out, I haven't hit the 500 calorie mark.  In fact, I think in the last 3 weeks I have only burned over 500 calories twice. Yesterday was quite a stressful day and I worked back late, so I missed pump, and all I wanted to do was sit on the couch and knit.  I did make myself jump on the (new!) treadmill and I had the intention of trying for half an hour on it, doing the learn to run program, however I only managed 5 minutes! (I think that because the incline is much higher than I am used to, it wore me out so much quicker).  So, I headed downstairs and did a 25 minute yoga dvd.  I only burned 225 calories in total - not even half of what we are supposed to be doing.

I just feel so worthless and feel like that I just can't seem to make a real go of it all.  I am so exhausted!!!! I am tired of working out everyday!  And while I know I shouldn't (and even get told off by B) I have been having "sneaky weigh ins" - where I haven't been seeing anything change.  I know that Mish says to take the emotion out of it, but seeing how I am feeling at the moment, I honestly can't.  I want to know that I am struggling like this and can at least get some results... right now I'm not seeing anything and I just don't see the point.

In saying that, I know (hoping!!) this is just a momentary feeling, and I am really hoping that the first full week of workouts is supposed to make me feel like shit. I will still be following the program and still avoiding sabotaging myself and just plodding along with it all in general, but I just wish that one of my problems would be resolved and give me one less thing to be thinking about.  With so many things to be organised or to do, and nothing seeming to be resolved, as Bilbo Baggins puts it "I feel... thin. Sort of stretched, like... butter scraped over too much bread." Obviously I have only touched on the 12WBT issues here, as the others I feel are probably a little too personal to put onto such a public forum.

Here is hoping to have a more positive Leeana by the next post, and hopefully even a task or 2 resolved.