Oh, Easter!! It's A Love/Hate Relationship...

I love chocolate!!

So much so that I can, quite easily, polish off a block of chocolate in one sitting... While B probably thinks I eat a lot of it (he doesn't have a sweet tooth lol), I barely eat it compared to the amount that used to pass my lips... which, looking back, was quite a scary amount!

However, it is Easter - and I love Easter egg chocolate!!! It is by far my favourite kind of chocolate (in particular, Red Tulip Bunnies).  A friend and I, years ago, actually used to go into town on Easter Monday and buy up all of the half priced  eggs! It was heaven!!

Admittedly, now I find that I can't eat as much chocolate as I used to, but I can still consume a fair amount!!  The other issue I have found over the years, is that I seem to need to "detox" from chocolate... after 3 days of not eating chocolate (and craving it something shocking!) I find that I don't really want it.  I can go without! I love it when I am in this frame of mind!

Another observation I have had, is that when I stress, I want comfort food... and uni seems to be a bit of a stress filled experience for me at this stage.  I find that when I am studying, I want to snack on foods... I don't know why, I don't know if this is what I used to do and it's subconcious, but I just want to eat...

So, what does this post have to do with anything?  Well, right now, I can't stop thinking about chocolate... the fact that it's almost Easter, and the stores are filled with Easter eggs... and I want them!!  I have made it though 3 months of having them on the shelves, but now that Easter is around the corner, it's all that I want!!

In fact, I had one the other day, and even while I was eating it, I noticed that it didn't give me the same "happy" feeling I used to get... which is great!!  The only problem is... I still want it!

So, I am glad that Easter will be over in a week... although it won't stop me from eating the eggs in the meantime... at least it won't be as much as what I would have usually have eaten, and I can find some form of self control...

Guess where I went today...

Today, for the first time in about 2 months, I stepped into my gym!

I was only there for about 20 minutes, and it was only to do exercises that my physio has given me, but it felt good to ba back there... felt like nothing had changed - which is great as I was a little worried about going in again lol.

So, there is progress! lol

However, since this morning, my knee is hurting again... I don't know if this is a good thing or not, so I am now resting it and trying to keep it stable. 

Hiding?

I have come to realise, that for some reason, I really want to hide the fact that I am trying to lose weight.  Over the last few years I have been so completely open to everyone that I was trying, but I have found that I just don't want to talk about it at all...

I have been avoiding friends because I don't want to tell them how I am going, and I don't want to feel inadequate. I feel like I have hidden myself from the world and even though I don't want to talk about how much weight I have put on, I also don't want to talk about any successes...

I find this so strange, and the only thing I can think of is that maybe I dont want tohave people see me fail... or show people that I was wrong... or feel like I am wrong... lol!!  I am not good with criticism - even from myself... It's kind of hard to explain what I mean... it's not that I think people will actually tell me I am wrong, but I think it is more what I think people will think about me... which is silly, I know...

Blogger Challenge Week 7: Motivation

Generally around this time, people tend to lose some enthusiasm... It's just one of those strange things that seems to occur at the same time each round.

So, how about a little pep-me-up?

This week I want you to paint me a picture - Why did you join the 12WBT?  What has been your biggest achievement to date? What have you struggled with? How can you overcome these issues?

Have a look at the questions you answered at Week 1, these might help you to answer this post.

By looking back at why you joined, writing about your successes, your struggles, you may find that by getting it all out there, you can put it behind you, and move forward.


If you are a little confused about what to do, please read through the blogger challenge instructions (opens in a new window).

To link your answer to this blog post, just click the add your blog button below. From here you paste the link for your actual post (not your blog). This weeks Blogger Challenge will close at 11:59pm on Wednesday 4th April 2012.

Checking In

Hi All

I am just checking in with my weekly weigh in.  Now, I actually did weigh myself yesterday morning, and I have to say, that I really didn't want to come in here and tell you that I did put on weight.

The truth is though, I am mostly ok with the fact that I put on weight.  We were in Melbourne on the weekend, and I haven't been moving that much because of my knee - plus I know that my eating has been all out of whack. Stress and eating don't go well together for me... I have had an exam and a report due (and done) and another exam on Monday for chemistry which I really don't feel prepared for and I am quicte panicky about it actually...

So, I am owning that, plus I am also trying to accept that this is life, and this time my weightloss isn't all or nothing.  Bumps happen and I am ok with that... mostly! haha!!  I think the hardest part is the little voice in my head telling me what I can't do and that I have failed...

So here is to ignoring the voices in my head! haha!

Anyway, so I only put on a kilo, so that's not too bad.  I think the worst thing is that I have been on my own so often lately, that I have kinda given up on cooking... not good! I am still struggling with breakfast... I think I am going to have to try and find something I am looking forward to eating... I have always loved honey weats... maybe I should give them a go lol My breakfast schedule has gone out the window since I have quit working full time lol

In saying that though, last night I actually made an effort and I made san choy bow... mostly cos I had the stuff sitting there and B doesn't like it lol... perfect reason to make it... all for me!!!  I even used lettuce from my garden! I have to say, you haven't had lettuce until you have grown it yourself!!  I am not a salad fan, but this is tops!

So, at the moment with uni has been crazy... as I mentioned before I have already had an exam and a report due - which are now done and dusted, but I am really struggling to get through Chemistry right now... in fact I have to admit that I am procrastinating about studying because I just feel so overwhelmed - how ridiculous is that?!  I know I just need to get in and get it done, but everytime I try I start freaking out...

On the upside, I have been itching to do some exercise lately - I think that it's mostly because I can't due to my knee.  However, my knee is feeling really great today and I am due at the physio in 15 minutes, so I had better get going!!

Anyway, that's my update!

I'm still around

I'm still here guys!!  The last few days have been a bit chaotic for me!!

Since I hurt my knee on Wednesday I have bee a little incapacitated, but I have also been busy!  I think it sounds a bit like an oxymoron, but I seem to have had so much going on.

On Thursday I spent the day at home, tryign to rest my knee.  I also went to the Dr, and he said that I may have a minor tear in my cartilage. He was thinking that it should be better by tomorrow, but right now I think it has gotten worse...

On Friday I had my first exam this semester. It actually went really well (I think!) and all of the studying I have done over the last couple of weeks really helped!!  Idid have 1 question that I had absolutely no idea about, so I just tried to figure it out myself based on the term... so I made up an answer and while I won't get full marks, I actually think I was on the right track!! lol I'm impressed with that!!

Yesterday we flew to melbourne for a surprise birthday party for one of B's mates.  We also got to catch up with some of my best friends who came down from Bendigo.  I just love to catch up with them and had the most amazign day.  We spent the day walking around, talking, and we even checked out the Queen Victoria Markets.  However, by the afternoon, my knee was so swollen!! My knee hasn' been overly sore, just twinges, but it was starting to ache yesterday from all of my hobbling, and I ended up getting a knee brace from a chemist there which really helped to restrict movement and to help me to keep it stable.  The party last night was a lot of fun!!  There was bowling and pool (I just observed) and it was great to meet more people.

So far today, I have only really been sitting at home.  I have to admit my knee is a bit sore, and I am trying to alternate ice and heat, but I will be heading back to the Dr tomorrow and probably booking in for a physio as well.

I really need to get stuck into more uni work (I have a chem quiz due tonight, and I haven't caught up yet! I also have a report due tomorrow that I haven't done much work on, and a chemistry exam next Monday.) but I can't seem to find any motivation or concentration lol.

My eating hasn't been the greatest over the last few days, so I don't think I will lose any weight this week, but I am ok with that (at this stage lol) and I accept that I have had a few challenges this week.

Blogger Challenge Week 6: Adjustments

You are now halfway through the program! Wow!! Hasn’t it gone quickly??

As it is now the halfway mark, you may or may not have come to realise how far you have come since Week 1, or even since pre-season.  In the last 6 weeks you have had your ups and downs when it comes to food, exercise and your mindset.  These struggles are what have shaped your journey thus far and how you have responded to them will have shaped how your last 6 weeks have been.  Mind, body and soul, this has been your journey.

1. What adjustments have you had to make to your exercise regime over the last 6 weeks? ie Have you upped your training? (Added more weights or can run faster/harder, etc)  Or have you gone up to a new fitness level in the 12WBT?

2. What have you changed in regards to your food intake? ie Do you follow Mish’s plan to the letter? Have you had to alter it due to dietary/family needs? 

3. What is the difference in your mindset?  ie Are you more confident? Are you happier within yourself? Do you still struggle to get out that door for your workout?

 It is important to realise how far you have come, all of the little adjustments along the way, and all of a sudden, you are doing something vastly different to when you started.

If you are a little confused about what to do, please read through the blogger challenge instructions (opens in a new window).

To link your answer to this blog post, just click the add your blog button below. From here you paste the link for your actual post (not your blog). This weeks Blogger Challenge will close at 11:59pm on Wednesday 28th March 2012.

Whoops!

Whoopsy Daisy!!!

After I wrote this morning about my knee, I have managed to do more damage!! I went to work, and managed to last 15 minutes of my 5 hour shift!! That's right folks, I had the exact same thing happen again, only thing was, it was at work and it felt worse!!!  OMG the pain!!!

3 first aiders and an incident report later I was sent home with the prospect of a torn ligament behind my right knee and orders to go to the doctor tomorrow if it's still sore...

I can't walk properly at the moment and I am the only one home until tomorrow night with a chemistry tutorial on tomorrow (my uni is about 30km away and driving is painful) and we have stairs... leading up to the study and the bedrooms...

I have just hobbled upstairs after resting downstair for a couple of hours and intend on staying in the study for a while before trying to negotiate the stairs again.

It sounds silly, but I don't know what to do for dinner now... I could cook, but it's uncomfortable... the only other option is delivery, which basically means pizza - which I don't want to do...

First weigh in day

Well, today is my first weigh in since last Friday, when everything started to change.

Since my meltdown, I started up my list of 10 key points that I wanted to focus on.  It hasn't been a full week yet, but things are definitely looking up.  I am feeling much more in control of things (everything really, not just my weight and health, but also uni and life in general) and I feel like I have really hit a turning point in my mindset.  Overall, I am just feeling happier and not so down.

I have been sticking to my allotted calorie intake set by Calorie King - which is 1670 calories. I know this will seem excessive to the 12WBTers, but this is something that has worked well for me in the past, and as I mentioned in my earlier post, I am trying to take a lot of pressure off myself, while still doing something about my weight. 

I haven't done any exercise, although I have been thinking about it a lot.  What has held me back has been a few things.  The main thing has been that I have been really sick for the last week - I almost lost my voice! haha!  The other reasons have been uni inspired.  I have an exam on Friday, and I also have a report due on Monday.  I have to admit that I am still feeling quite calm about both of these, even though I am feeling behind in my work.

So, I guess now that I am feeling better about it all, I figured I may as well tell you all what weight I reached - my highest weight ever.  Last Friday, I weighed in at 99.9kg!  I realise that other people have weighed more than me, but for me this was a huge blow.  Admittedly it was only 900g over my initial weight all those years ago, but seeing it 100g off a triple digit figure is quite heartbreaking after losing so much weight.

Anyway... onto today's weigh in!!  This morning I jumped on the scales, and from last Friday, I have lost 1.8kg!! I am so happy with that!! I know that it's quite normal to have a couple of big losses initially, but I am actually aiming to lose about 500g a week.  I think that this will take me about a year to do, but I know that I can do it, because I have done it before.

I have been modifying the layout of my blog over the the last couple of days so that the pieces of information are easier to find.  I had decided to get rid of the little goal tickers along the side of my blog, but I have just created a graph one to track my weightloss.  I have set my goal to 74kg. This will get me to a healthy BMI.  I do think that I will probably try and get to 69kg, although I have to say that this will depend on how I am feeling about my weight. 

I have always maintained that I don't care what I weigh when I get to goal, I basically just want to be a size 12 again.  My reasoning for this is that  muscle weighs more than fat (example: At a similiar weight 4 years ago, I looked much fatter and I was in a much larger size.  My shape now is different to then because of how I have shaped my body and muscles due to exercise) and I think that measurements are a much more accurate way of measuring weightloss success.

Be Yourself

With everything that has been going on over the last week or so, I just felt that this picture really needed to be shared.  I know it's something I need to do - and hopefully it will help you guys too :)

It seems so obvious, yet I do need to remind myself not to worry about keeping up with everyone else :)

Edited to add: I just realised this is my 100th post! YAY!  Glad it was on something positive!!