Feeling Empowered

I am feeling so great about myself lately! I am finally starting to feel a bit more in control and a lot happier with choices I have been making. While my eating hasn't really improved, my mindset has definitely taken a turn for the awesome!

I have found it so hard to look at my eating habits in a healthy way, and while I had been feeling pretty good about it all since my last post, it wasn't until a late night call to my bestie last night that I was finally able to verbalise it all and really get it right in my own mind.

So many of my old sayings were coming out of my mouth last night and they really pumped me up and filled me with a sense of purpose that I haven't felt in such a long time... the kind of feelings that sent me on my journey to become a dietician.

I thought that I would share some of these with you, these are some of my "pearls of wisdom" that I have gathered along my journey and passed on to a lot of my friends who asked me for help:

1. Forget the fad diets - you hear so many people saying this, but really.... are you listening?? Don't do the shakes, don't do meal replacements and forget about the diet pills... those are obvious... but what about the all-or-nothing diets?  The ones where you are restricted to eating exactly what they say and exercising as much as they say? And how long do they go for?? 1 week, 2 weeks, 10 weeks, 6 months?! More? Less? Are you feeling trapped by what they are telling you to do?  Do you feel even more stressed?  Do you feel less than perfect for not doing it exactly?!
2. Live within your lifestyle - Do you just love coffee?? (I sure do!!  Have u seen my coffee machine?!) Can u not say no to chocolate?! Then don't cut it out... use it as a reward or just cut it down... The problem I have found over the years is that if I completely cut something out, the minute I have a stressful period in my life or would usually comfort eat, I tend to go ballistic with what I have cut out of my diet and I binge... and it's not pretty!
3. There is no such thing as a perfect diet - while there are ideal ways of eating, and scientists are telling you what you should eat and what you shouldn't, don't forget that it's not really possible to eat every kind of veggie you need to in a day, or that some days you will go over the reccommended protein intake... you can only do the best you can do!
4. You need to live - got a birthday coming up? Want cake? Or a glass of wine? Then have it... don't forget to live!  Enjoy life! Celebrate it!!  Just don't do it all the time... it comes back to moderation... work it in!
5. Most meals can be made healthier - One of my favourite dishes is out of the Symply Too Good To Be True cookbooks... its a Meat Pie that once you taste the gravy you will never want a shop bought pie ever again!!  Look at how you can cut down sugar, fat or the calorie content of your favourite dish!
6. Your body is not a computer - while weightloss is definitely a "calories in, calories out" process, your body doesn't always work logically.  You might be retaining water, you might have a medical condition that slows your weightloss efforts or ur body may just be stubborn that week and won't reflect your weightloss on the scales... bascially, do what you can, and let your body sort itself out... it will balance it all out in the end, and if you put in the work, you will get the rewards!
7. Is it the number or the loss that you want? This probably seems a little strange, but there is a difference... I have had so many friends tell me "I just want to get to xx kilos"... and I usually ask them this question... the thing is, do you want the number on the scales or to be a certain size... because these do not always equal the same thing.  For example, I am currently at my heaviest weight, but I am not the biggest size I have ever been.  Exercise, diet and previous weightloss has changed my body shape and I have more muscle than I have before.  So while the number on the scales say I am bigger, my clothing says something else.  Use a tape measure for an accurate measure of results.
8. Do what you can - there is no point in pushing yourself to breaking point... Exercise is important for your health and for weightloss, but if you can only exercise for 20 minutes a day, or only a few times a week, then it's far more than you would be doing if you just sat on the couch. If you have a particularly hard time coming up, then work around it, don't forget to exercise or eat properly, just be sensible about what you can do.
9. Appreciate how far YOU have come - I am the worst at comparing myself to others, but every now and then I will actually take a look at what I have achieved, and it's something that no one can take away from me.  Have you changed your approach to food and exercise? Have you lost weight? Have you run for a whole fun run? Celebrate!  Look at what you have achieved! 
10. This is life - my first point was to avoid fad diets... this is kind of related to that.  Most fad diets are short lived (and often ridiculous!), make small changes and build on from those to make these healthy changes for life.  This is your lifestyle and only you can change it. Look at the smaller things to change as sometimes looking at the whole picture can be daunting and seem unobtainable... start small and remember, it all begins with one step.

All of these are things that I have learned for myself... and I have a story for each of them (won't bore you with that though!).  I have more tips, but I think 10 is enough for now! lol

I am feeling so empowered... this is the feeling I have been missing in regards to my weightloss journey for over a year now... I am so happy that I have found it again.  I am really looking forward to getting back into it all and the thought that the weightloss will be slow is fine... it's the steady that I am looking for!

Meltdown

Well, I am pre-menstral and I came across some photos of me when I was at my lightest tonight.... cue meltdown.

In all honesty, I think the part that I struggle with the most in regards to my weight loss comes down to 2 key factors; that I put on so much weight in such a short amount of time; and that I can't seem to find the person I used to be...

Don't get me wrong though, I really love my life at the moment, everything I was wishing for a couple of years ago has come true and I am achieving things that I didn't think I would be able to (eg, going to uni full time).

I have always been a "If you don't like it, then fix it" kinda gal, and I have to admit that I have avoided my blog for fear of sounding like a broken record.  Not so long ago I was posting about all of my awesome achievements, and it seems like now, I just can't get my shit together.

I am so ashamed of myself that I have put on all of the weight that I had lost, and while people tell me that "it's ok, that's life" or "you know that you can do it again", just makes me so sad because last time it took me about 4 years to lose 25 kilos... and in all honesty, thinking about doing it all again literally just makes me cry.

Why is it that everytime something sweet passes my lips I think "It's ok, it won't make that much of a difference", when I do know that it does...

It's not completely the weight gain factor, it is also the fact that I have reverted back to my eating habits of a single student... I can't believe how much takeaway and processed foods I eat... which makes me tired and cranky....

I do love the way I feel eating fresh foods and exercising, but because of my now sedentary lifestyle and lack of nutritious foods, I have no energy and have gotten myself into this cycle where I am too "tired and lazy".

The sad part is, for someone who had conquered all of her negative talk and had so much self confidence, I really don't feel worthy, or even as though I can do it... because I can't seem to stick it out and get my shit sorted....

Today was the first day that I actually felt like I could go to the gym, hell, I even got dressed in my gym clothes.... and then, I didn't go... why?!  I have no idea.... it was like all of my motivation disappeared... and in a way... maybe I was too scared to face the gym... I kept thinking about all of the weight I have put on and what I looked like... and that I was embarrassed to actually be seen at the gym (ridiculous or what?!)  I busted that fear years ago.... but that was also after losing 15kg... I was also worried about my knee... but I figure if I can stand and walk around for 8 hours at work, then I should be able to do a little bit of C25K for 30 minutes....

If I am 100% honest.... I think I am wanting something instantaneous.... I know that I need to do this for myself, but for the first time in such a long time.... I actually feel helpless and have no confidance in my ability to lose the weight.. I can help but think "What's the point?!"

I have decided that I need to stop being so concerned about what people think of me, and what I write and just put it out there and get all of this off my chest... in the hopes that it will help my journey.  It is nothing against you all, more that I need to stop avoiding my feelings and actually get them out there... and not be so concerned that I might be percieved as a whinger...

B and I have been talking tonight (during the meltdown) and come to the decision that we both need to start working out... and while neither of us are morning people, it seems that's the time that we really need to get it done... plus I love how I feel after exercising in the mornings.

I really need to stop being such an all-or-nothing person.  The truth is that I am human, I eat crappy foods sometimes... and... I am ok with that!!  I do have a lot on my plate, I can't dedicate most of my time on weightloss these days... food is harder to organise now... there is more cooking and less leftovers, there is also uni and running around after Miss 4 as well as trying to spend time with B.

I am hoping that now that 1st Semester is done, I know what to expect, and can work everything in.... with less stress preferably... It will take time... and I won't be ace at it to start with.... I don't like not being good at something (did I mention I was an all-or-nothing kinda gal?!) so this will take some strong internal dialogue.

What I really need to do.... is make a committment.... and anyone who has read this blog while I was doing the 12WBT would know that I really struggle with making a committment... but, I'm going to MAKE myself do it here and now.... no putting it off!!!

I commit myself to exercise 3 mornings a week, on days that I am not working, by doing the C25K program.

This is the first step in my rehabilitation... the reason I have chosen to not exercise on work days is only because I am spending so much time running around as it is, I think that I shouldn't put too much pressure on my knee all on one day... so I'll spread it out so that my knee is getting a work out almost every day.

Weigh In Wednesday

It's been over a week since my last post, but that hasn't been in avoidance, more like a preoccupation...  You see, the exam period has started (first exam was this morning) and I have been in study mode, which means locking myself in the study and having my head stuck in textbooks and online resources.

I have studied so much lately that I feel as though I haven't seen B in weeks, other than at meal times or for a quick coffee break... However, my last exam is on Monday (with my second one tomorrow... chemistry... yay...)

Now, usually at this time of high stress I want comfort foods... namely chocolate, however, I have to say I have been pretty bloody good!  We are still doing Lite n' Easy and it has been a blessing not having to worry about food.  All we need to do is heat it up.  Of course there have been a few things that we don't like, but we have at least tried them and now will choose the alternative option.

We are about to head into our 3 week of doing LnE, and as I didn't post last week, I realise that you all have no idea about my weigh ins! haha!! So, here is a quick little update.

As our LnE week starts on a Friday night (dinner being the first meal), Wednesday kind of comes into the middle of that, but last week I lost 500g. Which I think is awesome for only a few days.  This morning I weighed in and I have lost another 1kg, meaning so far I have lost 1.5kg.

It is such a relief to see my weight going down, but in truth, I think the part I am enjoying the most is the convenience.  It is also great knowing I am eating nutritious and balanced foods, and not feeling like I am missing out.

I really can't wait until exams are finished.  I am just feeling so exhausted at the moment, and in truth, I think that sheer stubborness is holding a cold at bay, so I have a feeling that I will be sick next week, but I will be trying to get some Vitimin C into me this week to help out!

Getting Back On Track... And It Feels Awesome!

I have been meaning to write this post since Friday, but have just not managed to do it.  Admittedly, I have been focussing on uni and getting my final report done for biology and with exam starting next week I think it will be heads down, bums up... and probably an iritiable and stressed out student!

However, we started on Lite n' Easy on Friday after our first delivery.  I was hoping to have some photos to pop in here, but the delivery came while I was at work. At the moment, I am doing 7 days of lunches and dinners and so far I am loving it.  It has really taken the hassle out of everything (especially as yesterday I had to work in the morning with a baby shower in the afternoon and barely anytime to get lunch, but B was able to quickly get it ready as I ran around the house getting ready). I have left off breakfasts as I usually like to have porridge or cereal anyway, so it works out well.

I do have to confess that I have had a bit of chocolate as I have been more than a little hormonal, but not as much as I ususally would (we have put the rest of the chocolate in the freezer as I really hate cold chocolate - so I would have to really want it lol!) and yesterday I did have 2 cup cakes at the baby shower, but overall I have been sticking to it and I have already had more fruit & veggies than I usually would - and I love it!

I have decided to keep my weigh ins as Wednesdays, so that it just stays as that in my mind, plus I like the idea of weighing in with everyone else. I think I am still a 12WBTer at heart!

As for exercise, I really need to get back into it, and so far I have been all talk.  However, months ago I did sign up to do the 5km run for the Mother's Day Classic (this coming Sunday), and I have decided that I will still be participating, however I have emailed them and asked them to switch me to the 5km walk for a couple of reasons; a) I haven't been training and I wouldn't be able to run it and b) I don't want to push my knee and do any further damage to it.  I think that a walk would be a good way to see how I go and I am hoping the fun atmosphere will help break my exercise drought.

I have also decided that after my exams are done (or perhaps even before lol) that I want to start going to the gym 3 days a week.  I think right now I want to try and do the C25K.  It has been playing on my mind a bit since my previous post on running. I would love to be able to run in a fun run... I think that in a way, it would be one of those moments that I know that I could accomplish anything, as I have always told myself that I could never run.

I have also considered maybe trying to do another fitness test like in the 12WBT... but I am unsure.  I do like that it would be a great way to measure results, but I am still undecided.

Blogger Challenge Week 12: Celebration

WOOOO HOOOO!!!  Week 12!!!  You have made it!!!

It is an amazing thing to get to the end of a such a challenging program and know that you have given it your all.  Let’s be honest, everyone has down times, but there are also all of those triumphs you have had along the way.  The fact that you have made it to the end, is such a huge feat in itself and you should be so proud and recognise all of your hard work!!

My final question to you this week is how will you be celebrating your final week?  What will you be doing to reward yourself? (You might like to refer back to the Week 3 post on rewards). Tell me about what you have done, add pictures if you can!

This is the final post in the blogger challenge, I would like to thank you all for participating and I hope that you have all had as much fun responding to these questions as I have in putting it all together.  I hope that you have achieved all that you have wanted to achieve through the 12WBT program! Thanks once again, it's been a blast!! 

If you are a little confused about what to do, please read through the blogger challenge instructions (opens in a new window).

To link your answer to this blog post, just click the add your blog button below. From here you paste the link for your actual post (not your blog).This weeks Blogger Challenge will close at 11:59pm on Wednesday 9th May 2012.

Weigh In Wednesday

Well, for once I am actually posting my weigh in on Weigh In Wednesday! haha! It's about time I got myself sorted :)

Now, my weigh in went as expected - it went up.  Now, I'm not upset by this because overall I have been trying to make healthy choices when I was out and about (like having something filling for breakfast (scrambled eggs and ham on toast) rather than banana bread or french toast with bacon and mayple syrup), but we have been trying to eat what we have in the freezer to make room for our Lite n Easy order that's coming on Friday. So, anyway, my weight is 101.5kg - which I guess is my starting weight for LnE.

I have also been trying to drink a lot more water lately as well, and I have even installed an app on my phone that reminds me to have a glass of water. It probably seems silly, but it does help.  I have also started placing a 600mL water bottle on my desk while I study which has also been helping.  I just need to get back into the routine, as I used to easily drink 2-3L of water a day.

I have been thinking a lot about learning to run since my last post.  I think that it's something that I really want to do. I even had a quick look at my C25K app on my phone last night to look at how it progresses.  I am unsure if I can use a treadmill, but I do remember the physio mentioning the cross-trainer... I wonder if I can use that for the C25K... anyone know if it can be done

Well, I have a lab report due on Friday... I really should get stuck into it!

Learning to Run

It has been on my mind for a few months now, but I think that I want to be able to run... maybe not 10km, but it would be nice to be able to run a full 5km in a fun run or something... In fact, it was actually one of my major milestones for this rounds 12WBT - which just didn't happen...

A 12WBT friend of mine, Dhitri, recently posted about learning to run... and it has gotten me thinking once again about trying... and it has also brought up a lot of excuses that I have been using lately (more about this later though), however there is one legitimate one...

"What about my knee??"

As you know, I had a minor tear in my cartilage over a month ago, and while I can walk around with no problems now, I still need to wear my brace at work as I am on my feet all the time. I am only working a couple of days a week, but I can really feel it at the end of the day.  Now, my physio has told me to use an exercise bike (which I haven't - and that's where the excuses come in too - and I know I really should be using it!) to help build strength.  The trouble is, the last time I went to the gym to do these exercises, my knee was reall aching afterwards... and that worried me.

I have heard wonderful things about running.  That it just clears your mind, it's a good way to de-stress, that the endorphins you get are amazing, that it can really boost your weightloss efforts, that it can shape and tone your body in the most amazing way...

Yet - I am almost too scared to try it! What is that?! Why be scared to try something new? Is it because I am scared I will fail? What I won't complete it?

A few other things holding me back are:

• location - where do I run? I don't want to do laps of an oval cos I think I would get bored... and my place is located on a BIG hill... and probably not the safest area really... am I silly in not wanting to learn to run on a hill?
• having to go somewhere else to run... I know - even I am telling myself to suck it up!!
• wanting to learn to run on a treadmill in a gym... for some reason, I feel this is better than running where everyone can see me huffing along... Am I being silly?
• feeling like I can't do it... I'm not good with learning - I want to be great straight away... now I know that's silly! haha!!

I have had the C25K app on my phone for a while now... I would love to start using it... I love that I could be running 5km in 9 weeks - it almost seems impossible! such a short amount of time!!!

I wonder if I could tackle the hills around home then... haha!

Looking Back...

I'm being a little naughty (I should be working on a scientific report right now... haha!) and I am writing a post on something I have been meaning to write for the last week...

2007 - At my (previously)
heaviest weight

When I went back onto Calorie King I was going through all of my old profile settings and came across some photos.  One was my original before photo... when I was at my heaviest of 99kg and the second was my 'after' photo where I wasn't at my goal weight (never reached it lol), I was still 10kg from reaching goal.

My 'after' photo - in Paris
& on top of the world

There is about 18 months difference between the photos, and I can remember how I was feeling both times the photos were taken.  At my heaviest, I remember feeling so self concious.  I was with friends who I know loved me for me, but at the same time, looking back, I know that I was miserable.  I wasn't happy with who I was, I was battling depression, I felt frumpy, and just felt like I filled the room - and not in the good way.  The 'after' photo I was in Paris.  I was living my dream of going to Europe.  I felt like I was on top of the world.  I felt like I could do anything! I wasn't battling depression anymore and all of my health problems had disapeared - I could do anything!!!

Close to my lightest weight
of my weightloss journey

I don't have any photos of me at my lightest weight, but I do have one at a friends party when we were playing pool.  I am only a couple of kilos off my lightest at this point.  Maybe it's just me, but I can see the differences in my smile - I am just so much happier and more content within myself... I love feeling this way... the power of the mind is amazing!  This photo was taken in April 2010 - it actually doesn't seem that long ago. It is amazing how much can change in such a short time!

I'm working on a new me...

But, here I am now.  At my heaviest weight ever... but I am determined to make all of the changes in my life work for me... rather than have me running around with no idea what is happening.  I actually don't have a photo of me at the moment, but I think what I would like to do is to have a current "before" photo, you know, starting fresh and all of that. 

I have learned a lot over the last 5 years, and I know that this will help me with my current weight loss journey... I can't wait to feel on top of the world again!!  I have even more going for me now than I did back in 2008! I have a wonderful new family and I am living my current dream of going to uni!  Big changes can take a lot of getting used to - but I know that I can do it!!!

Making Things "Easy"

B and I are time poor... we have lots on in our lives and generally aren't that great at managing it all - at least time wise. So, we have decided to cut out "one more thing" and have decided to go on Lite n' Easy for a couple of weeks.

I have used it in the past and I quite liked the food and the convenience of it all. One of the things I loved the most about it was (when I was single and living on my own) was the variety!  I found it so hard to have a good variety in my diet and stick to a budget.

We have decided to do lunches and dinners only, as breakfasts are generally pretty easy anyway.  I will be doing 7 days worth and B will do 5 days worth as he has work lunches that he attends.  We always have a family dinner at his parents on sunday nights, which means that my extra dinner will become his 6th, so in planning, it seems that it will work.

One aspect of starting LnE that I am really looking forward to is lunches!  I have become quite slack in getting my lunch sorted, and I have been buying my lunches when I am at uni or work. I was concerned about he money aspect of it all, because, let's face it, LnE isn't exactly cheap... and does cost more than a weekly grocery shop.  But when I actually sat down and thought about it, I realised that we were buying groceries, buying lunches and then having take out on top... so I think that we might actually save a little money... who would have thought!!

I also love that it is calorie controlled.  Now, I am proud to say that I haven't had chocolate since I made the commitment a few days ago, however, I still haven't really been counting my calories.  Last night was a special night out for B and I, so we did both splurge a bit, but this morning I did make a healthy breakfast choice, so that's a good sign I think.

For the next week we will be eating what we have in the pantry and freezer to make room for our LnE delivery, so I really don't think the next week will be the healthiest week... but I am ok with that... I am just so relieved to have something easy coming up... especially with my final exams being 3 weeks away!

I have mentioned before that I am not the greatest with eating fruit... and I remember having the best eating habits with LnE in the past... so I am looking forward to having a more balanced diet and more energy... with less stress!! For myself, I will be on the 1500 calorie plan, although if I exercised 3 times a week for up to 20 minutes LnE calculated that I should be on 1800 calories... while that sounds awesome, I don't think it's really for me, so for now I will be sticking to the 1500 calories. Calorie king currently has me set to 1640 calories, so this will be fine.

Also, I know I haven't popped in here with my weekly weigh in, but I lost 100 grams.  I am ok with this as my weight jumped up by 2kg during the week, so being under is a plus.

I am finally starting to feel like myself again... and I am loving it!  i am feeling more in control of my eating and my mindset, I'm not sure if it shows to others, but I love having my confidence back!!

I went down town and bought a couple of tops for winter, so it's just nice having clothes that fit and make me feel pretty - even if they are larger clothes... it really does a lot for the mindset!

Blogger Challenge Week 11: Reflection

Only one and a half weeks to go!!!  Can you believe it?!

In week 1, I asked you to answer some introductory questions about yourself and why you had decided to do the 12WBT.  I think it’s a great opportunity to reflect on how you have done and how you feel about everything now that we are at the tail end of the program.

1. How are you feeling about the 12WBT program now that you have almost completed it?

2. Looking back on what you wrote in week 1, did you achieve all that you were hoping to?

3. Did you find that blogging was beneficial to your 12WBT journey? Will you continue to blog once this round is over?

4. Did your exercise go according to plan or  did you have to change it around compared with what you wrote in Week 1?

5. How did your greatest strength help you this round? Was it as you thought it would?

6. Did the fears that you outlined in Week 1 come to pass? How/how not?

7. What is the most valuable lesson you have learned from this program?

8. In question 9 of the Week 1 challenge question, you wrote about your downfall.  How did you go with this challenge over the last 11 weeks?

9. What is your biggest achievement since the start of the program?  What are you the most proud of?

10. Will you be coming back for another round of the 12WBT?

If you are a little confused about what to do, please read through the blogger challenge instructions (opens in a new window).

To link your answer to this blog post, just click the add your blog button below. From here you paste the link for your actual post (not your blog).This weeks Blogger Challenge will close at 11:59pm on Wednesday 2nd May 2012.