WARNING: post contains revelations (and seems to have become a novel!)
3 Weeks into Uni... and already there have been tears (a lot actually!), major melt downs, stress, poor nutrition and lack of exercise...
I have been putting off this post for the last 2 weeks (since the 12WBT started), because, well... I felt like a failure...
I touched on this in my blogger challenge answer I wrote earlier today, however I don't think that post quite told you the whole truth - not that I was lying, but the point of the post was positivity lol, and I just didn't want to bring it down.
So, let's get to the crux of the problem - I wasn't coping with so many life changes going on at the same time, and I was putting far too much pressure on myself, which is not a good combination!! When I am stressed, not happy or just don't know how to handle a situation, I basically "shut down". I avoid people, I don't ask for help, and I don't want people to see that I am struggling. I guess, that maybe I don't want to admit to myself either... The problem with this was that I didn't put it out there where it usually helps me, and where I recieve a lot of support - here! On my blog.
I have negleted my blog over the last couple of weeks, and I am so glad that I had the foresight to have all of the blogger challenge questions ready and scheduled, because otherwise, it just wouldn't have happened.
University isn't like I thought it would be... or to be more accurate, I'm not the uni student I thought I would be. I have really struggled with my classes!! I have had a lot of problems trying to comprehend topics (mostly chemistry), and I have spent so much time in my study it's, quite honestly, unbelievable. I have barely seen my partner, and when I did I was usually in tears of frustration or stress, so the poor bugger hasn't had an easy time of being a boyfriend at the moment.
I struggled with my subjects so much, that before week 2 was over I could see (thankfully!) that I wasn't doing so well, and recognise that something had to go... and in fact, it was 2 things... the 12WBT (don't panic, I will get to this in a moment!) and my Anatomy subject. I simply couldn't focus on so much going on, especially with my priority being university at this point in time. If I have any chance of surviving uni, I need to realise and accept that I am not Wonder Woman. I am actually human and it is ok to not to try and do everything!
My main confusion (at this point in time!) to do with chemistry has been resolved and for the forst time in 3 weeks I don't feel as though my neck and back are just one giant knot. I feel semi-human again and that I might be able to do this. Yes, my time is completely taken up by uni, work and studying around all of this (bedtimes are about 10.30pm atm, and that's basically filled with study from as soon as I get home for the day), however, the other day I had a bit of an epiphany... I can still loose weight if I try!!
My thinking on this, is that in all honesty, I don't think I will be following Mish's plan to a T, however I want to concentrate mostly on what I am eating. So, in my case, making sure I eat breakfast, eating a healthier lunch and making sure I am eating a healthy dinner.
I realise this probably sounds really simple, but I am going to make it even easier for myself. I will be eating some of Mish's meals, however I am going to go back to some old faithful's from when I was losing weight on my own. I won't be sticking to 1200 calories, but aiming for 1500 calories instead.
I have come to realise that at this point in time, I need to make things really easy on myself... My partner is in the US for the next week, but I am not going to let this stop me. I am going to sit down with my Meal Planner app on my iPad and put in my meals I want to eat this week, get a shopping list and get all of my ingredients. I think in a way, I want to use this time on my own to get back to where I was a year ago on my weightloss journey. I think that because I was single, it was actually a little easier for me foodwise. I in no way blame how I eat on my life now, it's just that it was a habit I was in a year ago, and so far I don't really have many healthy habits... I need to find that will that I used to have instead of being in a 'comfort place'.
I am lucky enough that B is supportive and is happy to cook meals but I think first off, I need to remember what my favourite healthy meals are...
Right now, it's time for me to get back to basics!!
So, while I still consider myself to be a part of this round, I won't be participating to the full extent. I realise that this isn't the best use of my participation to the program, but right now, I think it is the only way that I can participate.
My weightloss journey will be slow... but I will lose the weight!!
Thank you for your honesty!! I am so happy that I am not the only one that has not hit 12WBT full force because of one reason or another. Like you, I am loking at what my focus needs to be and working on that. As for Uni - it is bloody hard work! I have 12 months off at ther moment but I can remember the trauma and stress like it was yesterday!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that my post has helped. I think sometimes we get so wrapped up in our stress and look inwards, but there are other people in the same boat. It is something that I need to recognise more and not think that I am letting others down, but rather that there are other people who are int he same situation as me out there who like to know that someone else out there is going through something similar.
DeleteLeanne, I am in the same boat, too.
ReplyDeleteI thought I had everything under control, but when uni started, I felt sooo overwhelmed and then started to slip. Nutrition wise the first 2 weeks of 12wbt have been downright terrible. I am so ashamed at how bad I did that I didn't log onto the forums and I also deliberately decided against watching any of Mish's videos. But I have decided to get myself back on track and take things one step at a time. My plan is to exercise on a daily basis, even if it's just a 10 minute run. And also to do portion control, stick to 12wbt brekkies and dinners and healthy snacks. But I won't attempt to hit 500 cals at each exercise and will go easy on SSS. Also I won't be calorie counting. It's been difficult enough to stick to my half mara plan, let alone to religiously stick to Mish's nutrition AND exercise plans. I try to stick to what Mish has said over and over again: Consistency is key! You know what, I might write that up in big letters on my fridge now...
BUT one thing: I will try to join the Cap Pun group fitness sessions every week, just to help me stay on track. I hope to see you there, xx Dhitri
Wow you have a lot going on, and if you were single last year (as alluded to in your post) and now you're not, that's a big change too. So glad you're going to be kind to yourself and lose weight slowly. You should take the bits of the 12wbt that work for you (maybe like the encouragement and mindset stuff) and go for it. After all, everyone who finishes the 12wbt program or who reaches their goal weight has to learn how to lose or maintain 'on their own' at some point or other, so you are doing that already. Thanks for still doing the blogger challenge and for still posting so honestly.
ReplyDeleteGreat post!! I'm a uni student too, and this year I pretty much gave up casual work, went from getting 20-25 hours a week to 10 if I'm lucky!
ReplyDeleteFor TWO YEARS I put uni first, and this year my timetable is a little bit easier so I'm putting my health first (FINALLY) and aiming to lose all the weight that uni made me gain.
It is extremely hard and stressful and the truth is something has to give! Trying to do it all isn't all that possible, people seem to think oh I only have to go to class two days a week, but sometimes those two days can equal 40hours on at home study!!
Good luck with uni everyone, I'm glad this is my final year because I've neglected myself in the process!
Thank you so much for your comment! It's so great to hear from people who have been in the same situation - it helps to know that I am not alone and that it's normal what I am going through!
DeleteWhirlsie,
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your post. I was struggling so much before uni even started that I decided to defer uni this time and focus on me and my family. One thing I have realised and which you just re-inforced was that we are each on our own journeys and we have to do what works for us. Each 12wbt round I started before was me trying to stick 100% to the program and beating myself up about not being able to stick to it. What I now know is that I am an individual and that I need to work out how the plan will work for me and for my situation, it is afterall my journey to a healthier me. :)
I wish you all the best on your journey and I know you will succeed.
All the best,
Kaz xo